July 30, 2010
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Expert Relationship Advice from John Gray, bestselling author of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

Mars & Venus in the Media
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Thought of the Day: "When a woman asks a lot of questions, that is a secret Venusian signal that he should stop talking and ask her questions."
 
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Perhaps the Venusian working for you
is more competent than you realized?

by Dr Robert Schwarz

Problem solving is different on Mars and Venus. Men tend to misunderstand women's relationship-oriented problem solving style because they judge them according to the Martian ethos of: doing it on your own. So if Beth is working on an assignment. She come into to her boss Jim's office. She describes to Jim the problems with the project and asks Jim what he thinks she should do. Jim offers her his answer. Beth agrees that it is a good answer and leaves. Jim thinks that he provided the answer very easily. Why couldn't Beth come up with on her own? Perhaps she is not as smart or effective as he thought she was.

What Jim needs to know is that Beth already knew the answer. On Venus it is important to share and discuss problems and then ask what the other person thinks. On Venus it is important to help the other person feel included. So Beth does just that.

Jim needs to keep this Venusian culture in mind when evaluating Beth. Also he can do the following things to clarify the situation

1) When Beth asks him for his opinion/solution, Jim should say, "Before I comment, I want to hear your ideas or solutions."

2) Jim can also let Beth know that he knows she wants to be inclusive and collaborative with him. The best way that she can do that is to make sure that she present her ideas and solutions to him so he knows what she can do on her own so he can properly give her credit.

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