How Do I Get My Husband To Be Interested In Sex?

John Gray

Dear John,

I’m 31 and my husband is 35. We’ve been married 10 years this fall and we have 2 beautiful, healthy children (7 & 5) and a relationship that is stronger than ever.

The only thing lacking for me is frequency of sex. We dated for 3 years before getting married. When we were dating, we had sex all the time. Right after we got married, my husband found out he had dangerously low thyroid levels. He’s ok now and goes to his doctor regularly, takes his medication But ever since we discovered his low thyroid function, his sex drive has fallen.

There aren’t any issues with sex other than we will go around 7 days before we make love again. the sex is amazing: plenty of foreplay, no problems getting turned on and we both orgasm. But I’d like to make love at least 2 times a week.

I’ve expressed my concerns that maybe he isn’t attracted enough to me or whatever else I can think of. He says there are no issues but I have issues with it.

Is there something hormonally that has been going on all these years?

I would appreciate your advice. I am tired of being angry with him over this.


Hi Sarah,

Thank you for reaching out. This situation comes up in marriages often, but there are solutions.

First let’s look at the reasons for it. Many people don’t know that a man has a testosterone cycle that last for 7 days. After 7 days without sex, his testosterone levels double and he will want to have sex again. So, at least your husband is passing this test. If he was going more than 7 days, into 2 weeks, then he may be suffering from low testosterone levels.

The average male begins to experience declining testosterone by age 40. This can greatly reduce his sex drive too. I recommend Tongkat Ali, a supplement from Thailand and Malaysia that naturally increases testosterone in men, without having to add testosterone to the body with creams, pills, or injections.

So testosterone is the first thing to consider, but another is you. I always suggest people looking at themselves from their partner’s perspective to better understand their differences.

It comes off as demanding when you say to your husband, “we only have sex once a week.” This causes him to feel criticized, inadequate, not successful, etc. Those are the very feelings that inhibit male sexual attraction and desire. One of the worst things to do in a marriage is to communicate disappointment, discouragement, dissatisfaction with your husband’s lack of sexual energy.

In this video, I suggest different ways to get your needs met in the bedroom while satisfying your husband’s needs too. I explain my 3 candle technique and offer some easy statements and suggestions you can make to him that will help you find passion again.

read more blog posts from John Gray

JOhn Gray Mars Venus Soul Mate Relationship Weekend Seminar