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How To Make A Woman Happy

John Gray


Men are always asking me, "What do I do when she is unhappy?". Most of them list all things they have said or things they have tried to do to make the women in their lives happy.

But my response for all of them is the same:


There is nothing you can say or do to make her happy. Women can only make themselves happy, but men have the power to make them happier.

So how does a man make a woman happier?

First, we need to understand why she is feeling unhappy. When a woman is unhappy, it's due to stress. Her hormones are out of balance and she needs help getting them back on track.

When a woman is stressed out and unhappy, a man will usually react defensively and think he needs to fix her state of unhappiness. He also feels a sense of failure and is motivated to make her feel happy again. But making her happy is not his job.

His job is to provide safety for her to find her own happiness.

So ... how does a man make a woman happier? He can't. But he can make her happier after she has made herself happy.



What To Say

The best way for a woman to restore her happiness is through communication. So it is a man's job to help her feel safe when she is sharing her feelings.

When a woman can open up to a man who listens with respect, compassion, and empathy, it produces estrogen and oxytocin, which helps lower her stress levels and restores her happiness.

Just as a man loves to be appreciated, a woman loves to be heard. So the best thing a man can do to make her happier is to simply listen.

A couple should take ten minutes at the end of each day to allow her to talk about her feelings - but those feelings can't be about him. She should just be able to talk about her day and feel safe to do so.

It can be challenging at first for a woman to talk about her feelings to their partner without complaining. A woman I once explained this process to said to me, “If I am not supposed to talk about our relationship, then what is there to talk about?”

With practice, there is always plenty to talk about. A woman has a world of feelings and emotional reactions that get dismissed or suppressed during the day. She needs to shine a light inside and express what is there.

In my book, Beyond Mars and Venus, I list different examples for how a woman can share her feelings without making it sound like a complaint about her partner.

The focus should be to get her to talk without feeling resistance from him. If she can express, discontent, disappointment, concerns, fears, and frustration, without the feeling that he is going to rescue her, then estrogen levels will rise higher and her stress levels will go lower.

This gives her the ability to find her own happiness.

The more a man shows interest in what a woman is saying, feeling, liking, wanting, or needing, the more supported she will feel. When a man shows interest in what a woman is saying, she feels he is interested in her, and that is a big oxytocin and estrogen producer.

I will admit, there are those times when a man is not that interested in what she is saying, but because he is always interested in making her happy, when he realizes that she will feel personally supported if he listens, then he becomes more interested in what she has to say.



What To Do

Men need to remember that listening is not just the first step in solving a problem. When a woman is stressed, it is also a solution. Without having to “do” anything, he can be the hero.

Women need to remember that complaining to her partner about him never works. By learning to meet her need to be heard by sharing problems that are not about him, she can discover her power to bring out the best in a man.

As he listens more without feeling defensive, he automatically becomes more empathetic, compassionate, and motivated to help her. With practice, he discovers that without him saying anything or doing anything, she moves from feeling upset to feeling good just by freely sharing her feelings.

A couple should carve out 10-15 minutes every day so she can simply talk to him while he listens.

When a woman is talking, a man can give her the best support by showing more interest.

Here are three easy messages that man can use to show he is a supportive listener:

• Whenever possible, when a woman speaks, look at her and say, “Tell me more about that.”
• Whenever possible, when a woman speaks, look at her and say, “What else?”
• Whenever possible, when a woman speaks, look at her and say, “Help me understand that better.”

Then finish the talk with a good hug. This simple practice will greatly increase her oxytocin and estrogen levels, which help keep her stress levels down to help her find happiness.

This will also help the man feel happier too. A man is always happiest when his partner is happy. Whenever she is happy, he feels appreciated because he tends to automatically take credit for her happiness. Her happiness is the symbol that he has made a difference in her life.

Learn more simple ways for finding happiness in my book, Beyond Mars and Venus.


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