Why Does He Pull Away?

John Gray

One of the biggest challenges a woman experiences in a relationship is when a man pulls away. He may disappear for a few hours or even a few days, but it is a very natural thing for a man to do. The reason is biological.

The most important things for a woman to remember when a man pulls away: don’t chase him and don’t try to make him feel happy.

When he pulls away, this is not the time for her to get angry, or build resentment, or even feel sorry for herself. This is her time to make herself feel happy by taking care of herself and nurturing the other relationships in her life.

This will keep her happy so when he does return, he can work on making her feel happier. Her happiness is his success. When she is happy, he feels a sense of accomplishment. This makes him happy and gives him a sense of connection and love.

Why He Pulls Away

Remember I said the reason men pull away is biological?

It starts with his hormones. A man requires ten to thirty times more testosterone than a woman. A man spends all day making testosterone and using it up as he solves problems and makes decisions. If it’s a good day and everything ran smoothly, he feels successful and confident. And he has plenty of testosterone when he returns home.

If the day is difficult and stressful, and he feels overwhelmed, his body releases estrogen. Estrogen works to lower testosterone. So, when he is faced with too many decisions or problems, he may suffer from low testosterone, especially at the end of the day when he returns home.

So how does he rebuild testosterone?

He retreats to a non-stressful environment to relax. He may choose to do nothing, like watching TV or simply meditating. Or he may also choose to do something that is easy and task-driven with a sense of accomplishment. He just doesn't want to do anything that creates estrogen – like being close to a woman.

He may love his wife and want to be with her but as soon as he is with her and interacts with her, it stimulates the production of estrogen, which lowers his testosterone levels and keeps his stress levels high.

What To Do

When he pulls away, she should avoid chasing him or waiting for him. She should go and do things that make her happy. This will keep her happy and create a good space for him to return to.

When he does come back, she shouldn’t punish him or make him feel bad. This gives him the message to not come back.

She also shouldn’t bother him or ask him when he will return. This will only lengthen his separation. A great way for her to tell him she is thinking of him is by sending him fun and happy text messages. This will show him she is happy and it will encourage him to return to her. A happy woman makes man feel happy.

There are many reasons why a man pulls away in a relationship. I give real examples with simple and very effective communication tools in my book, Beyond Mars and Venus. 

Click here for my video about Beyond Mars and Venus and a free gift!

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