12 saucy (and realistic) ways to keep the passion alive.

Lauren Gray

Dear Lauren,
My fiancé and I are getting married soon, and I want to keep the passion in the bedroom alive. Can you give me some tips on how to do this as lately I feel like my libido has dropped and I feel like I'm not giving him enough intimacy?
Hi Lana,

Don’t feel bad. Lots of women have a hard time keeping up with their sweeties. Men usually have higher libidos than women because they have more testosterone. Testosterone is the "let's make sexy time" hormone. It drives the libido.
2 Ways to Boost your Libido Naturally (within a week!)
To boost your libido so that you can keep up with your sweetie and enjoy a richer sex life, I recommend two natural supplements to add to your diet.
1. "Maca:" an all natural South American root that helps to balance your hormones. 

It increases libido and makes periods easier as an added bonus. This ground root in a powder form tastes a little funny at first. Your taste buds do get used to it over time. I suggest adding it to apple juice or to your morning shake or smoothie.
One reviewer said this: “When I eat it I have a higher sex drive, less stress, and more positive energy in general.” I’d have to agree with her.

Click here to learn more about how to get some of this good stuff!
2. "Tongkat Ali:" an all natural root grown in Thailand and Malaysia that naturally increases your own body's production of testosterone (aka: the sexy time hormone)
This is a small, easy to swallow supplement you can take up to 5 days a week, 1 pill once a day. In order to support your body to continue to produce testosterone without leaning on the supplement support, a 2 day break is recommended.
This is our number one best-selling product at because wow-wee it really works!

Click here to learn more about how to get some of this good stuff!
I personally have gone through low libido periods where I take both of these products and it really turns things around (and on!) for me. An active sex life is a HUGE and often underestimated part of a successful loving relationship.
The sexy technique you won’t read about in Cosmo
When it comes to keeping the passion alive, there’s really only one thing that can unlock your relationship’s steamy potential.
Did I just turn you on a little bit? ;-)
Yeah. Probably not. But it doesn’t make it any less true.
When you communicate with each other about your sexual desires, limits, fantasies, requests, curiosities, preferences, and more, you build the foundation for an ever-evolving sex life. A sex life that never gets boring because our desires, preferences and feelings change all the time. What freaks you out today could intrigue you tomorrow. What feels good today could feel too rough tomorrow.
The BEST advice I’ve given to clients that has completely changed the landscape of their relationship is to talk after sex. Well, catch your breath, drink some water, relax and THEN talk.
After you make love, there are 4 passion questions you can ask your partner to open up this dialogue.
1. What did you like?
2. What didn't you like?
3. What would you want more of?
4. What would you like to try next time?
This is a great time to open up about these things because you’re loaded with new material and "shyness" pretty much goes out the window after an orgasm.
Click here to learn 3 sure-fire ways to orgasm during sex!
12 Ways to Spice up your Sex Life

In terms of straight up "tips" to keep it spicy, here’s 12 to get you started:
1. Have sex on a regular basis. Don’t be above scheduling it into your week if it’s been awhile and it’s hard to initiate/make time for.
People often have an attitude that sex needs to be spontaneous in order for it to be romantic and passionate. It helps but it’s not necessary. In order for things to get spicy, you have to create a foundation of trust, comfort and play. The only way to do this is to have sex on a regular basis, no matter what.
Especially if you’re in a low libido funk, it’s too easy to blow off sex for more pressing and important things on your to-do list.

2. Talk dirty. You don’t have to get obscene for it to be sexy. If you start right off the bat trying to emulate what you hear in porn, you’ll feel ridiculous.
Instead, ease yourself into it. Start off with sounds of pleasure and enjoyment. Get used to vocalizing the feelings you have inside. Then you can start saying things like, “Oh this feels so good!” “I love it when you do that!” “More!” “Harder!” “Again!” “Oh yea!”

3. Mix it up. Take the time to make out and indulge in foreplay. Slow everything down. Just because you already know each other’s bodies doesn’t mean you shouldn’t explore it as if for the first time. Give yourself an hour or two to play.
At the same time, don’t always go slow. Throw in some afternoon quickies as well. The variety adds spice. Go from luxuriating in each other to a passionate urgency.

4. Oral Sex. Don’t skimp on it just because you’re past the “wooing” stage. Don’t just skip to intercourse. Have fun with oral sex first. You don’t need to stimulate your partner to completion. It doesn’t need to be a big deal. You can just tease and warm each other up. A good tip is to put a pillow underneath your pelvis so that he can more comfortably pleasure you.

5. Role-play: Click here to read a great article (not mine) that spells out how exactly to explore fantasy sexual role play.

6. Dress up. Sexy lingerie is great for special occasions and then also (little known secret) when you’re feeling bloated or shy about your body.
You know that time of the month where you just don’t feel your usual sexual confidence? Put on a sexy nighty. Or even just wear your man’s button down shirt with no panties.
Not only is this exciting for your man but it also helps YOU feel more sexy. When a woman feels sexy, her libido increases.

7. Masturbate in front of each other. Did you just cringe? Some people literally cringe at the word “masturbate.” Which is crazy because we ALL do it. Let’s put on our big girl panties before I explain more, ok?
Show each other how you like to be touched. Do you like to be watched? Do you like to watch? Try it.
Another option if you don’t feel like being on display is to pleasure yourself while he kisses and touches the rest of your body. And vice versa. It’s wildly sexy to be able to watch your partner feel pleasure and feel their body’s response as you enhance their pleasure.

8. Tell a naughty story. This is a great option for when you’re not in the mood to be touched or have sex but he is. While he’s masturbating, you can whisper and moan a sexy story in his ear to provide him with visuals. Men love visual stimulation, hence, their love of porn.
Ex: You meet at a sordid café in Amsterdam, as two strangers you share a bottle of wine, you get tipsy, you hand him your underwear under the table, you take his hand and…get creative and have fun!

9. Toys. Not legos. Not dolls. I’m talkin’ adult toys! Vibrators of all shapes and sizes, handcuffs, silk scarves, blindfolds, feathers, ticklers, etc.
Start small. Don’t be intimidated by vibrators. And don’t freak when you find out how much they cost. It’s worth it. Period.
Vibrators aren’t a “replacement” for your man. Nothing can compare to feeling the man you love inside you. But they can speed up foreplay for a quickie. They can add an exciting spin to oral sex (he works the power tool and pleasures you with his tongue at the same time. OMG!) And some vibrators you can even use to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse! 

10. Multiple positions. Talk about them ahead of time so you don’t get distracted and forget about the adventurous ones you want to try.
Always mix in some more comfortable poses to ease into sex and then again when you want to climax. Sometimes it’s hard to orgasm when your legs/arms are shaking from effort and you’re in an awkward position.
Note: Keep your expectations realistic: Don’t expect yourselves to be porn stars. Those people are professionals.  Start slow and be easy on each other.

11. Different locations. I’m not gonna lie: I love my bed. It’s comfy. It’s got just the right amount of firmness and my sheets are soft. BUT having sex in different locations spices up the sex life. Men really respond to the variety.
So try it on the stairs, in the kitchen, in the shower, throw a blanket down on the living room floor etc. Go wild!  
It’s easy to get into a comfortable routine. It’s important to occasionally make the effort to have sex even without your soft sheets and comfy bed.

12. Blow Jobs. It’s a classic for a reason. Do it as often as possible. The more spontaneous the better.

Practical notes: Put your hair in a scrunchie, darn-it! I don’t know how those porn stars don’t choke on their own locks. And get in a comfortable position that you can be in for a while. If you need to adjust your body mid-way, let your partner know. He wants you to be comfortable too.
Personal note: Cumming on the face is NOT a thing. Porn tries to make it a thing. But it's not. 

Ladies choice: Spitting instead of swallowing is NOT a rejection of your partner. It's a perfectly respectable choice. 
For more tips on how to nurture a healthy passionate sex life throughout a marriage grab a copy of Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. This book takes you by the hand and shows you step-by-step how to explore, discover and express your sexual needs with your partner. Click here to get your copy now.

I hope these helped. Have fun with them!
With love,
Now I want to hear from you!
It’s normal for a sex life to go through slow patches. Which one of these suggestions will you apply next time your sex life needs a little pick me up? Leave a comment below.
If you loved this article, please SHARE it with your friends! Click to tweet: Spice up your sex life by asking your partner these 4 passion questions today.
And if you want MORE awesome advice on love, sex, dating and relationships, sign up below for FREE email updates and a FREE copy of my awesome Ebook “Mars Venus Dating.” Xo!



read more blog posts from Lauren Gray
  • melinda73
     6/4/2015 11:23:00 AM
    Lauren your post was so on the nose. It really makes you want to jump in there and get to work. I think people take for granted how much work sustaining a relationship is. It is a process everyday to try something to maybe shock the situation a little bit. Trial and error is the best way. The one thing that helped my relationship was trying this If it helped me, and believe me it did, it can help everyone. Spice it up couples!
  • Lauren Gray
     5/28/2014 4:49:27 PM
    Hi Killinnnda, I'm so sorry to hear that. Many couples struggle with the same thing. You're not alone. Check out this video my dad made on "Why most married men have low libido"
  • Lauren Gray
     5/28/2014 4:47:20 PM
    Rock on Lady_Bella! Go for it!
  • Kilinnnda
     4/21/2014 11:03:53 AM
    Hi Lauren. I'm 29 years old, I got Married 5 years Ago and since then my sex life is over. My Husband doesn't even try anymore. O love him And I still have hopes that our sex life could Go back to normal. But I don't know if I'm being Realistic here. He claims he doesn't have Libido or any desire to have sex. We used To talk about it a lot but not even that anymore. What is worse is that he doesn't even touch Me or stimulate me in a different way. I'm afraid I'm loosing my libido too. Can that happen because I'm not active? I no longer feel angry like I use To for not having sex. What are the chances He could get his libido back after 5 years without Any sex? Please help me. ...
  • Lady_Bella
     4/20/2014 9:12:08 AM
    Lauren you crack me up! Really love the advice.. Ok, no sweetie to try it out with as yet, but when I do, I want experiment a bit with number 11! Always thought that would be so much fun :)

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