3 sure-fire ways to fully enjoy intimacy

Lauren Gray

Hi Lauren,

I am 33 years old and I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. What do I need to do to have one? Do I have a disability down there?


Hi Maria,

The world has been lying to you

You do NOT have a disability.

Surprise! Only 30% of women orgasm from stimulation to their G-spot alone.

You wouldn't know the number was that low based on T.V., movies and porn because the women we see there ALWAYS orgasm from sex.
Unfortunately, media influences what men expect from women and what women expect from themselves.

When you don't orgasm from sex, a man can feel frustrated and discouraged. This puts pressure on you to “fake it” for his sake, which, as an act of inauthenticity, prevents you from developing intimacy and trust with your partner.

Ultimately his disappointment/frustration in conjunction with the media makes YOU feel like there is something wrong with you: like you’re not sexy, or you’re not a “real” woman.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You have the capability of being an absolute sex goddess. Hopefully a little Sex Ed will help you see that.

Sex-Ed (and the anatomy secret they've been keeping from you)
When a fetus evolves into a boy or a girl, the exact cells that become the tip of the penis in a boy become the clitoris in a girl. This is where a hugely dense amount of nerve endings are located, it is the most sensitive spot on the body, and continued stimulation of this spot leads to orgasm.

You might have known that part. ; )

But the lesser-known fact (AKA: The BIG SECRET!) is that the same cells that become the scrotum in a boy become the vulva in a girl.

Asking a woman to orgasm from vulva/g-spot stimulation alone is like asking a man to achieve orgasm from merely being stroked on the balls.

Not very likely and if it did happen, it would take FOR-EV-ER!

How to work WITH your body (instead of against it)
If you want to orgasm during sex you have a few options; all of them include stimulating the clitoris at the same time that your man is inside you.

Most men love it when you play with their balls during a blowjob because it enhances the experience even though the main stimulation is to the head of the penis.

This is the same for women. Even though the clitoris is the main stimulation for you, having him inside you enhances the experience.

3 ways to incorporate clitoral stimulation during sex

1. You can use a mini bullet style vibrator to hold against the clitoris during sex. It's small and doesn't get in the way.

2. You can use a “We-Vibe” which is a vibrator you wear during intercourse that stimulates both the g-spot and the clitoris and allows your hands to wander as they will.

3. You can also use your hand or ask your partner to use his to stimulate the clitoris during sex. This works especially well in a side position with your leg hooked over his for easy access, in a lying down doggie style position, or in a standing position where you are leaning over something and he is behind you.

Sex is not a one size fits all

All bodies and all couples are different so explore what works best for you.

There's no one size, sex, toy, position fits all here.

It's important to have patience and a sense of play as you discover with your partner what works best for you.
Let your man know about all of this so that he doesn't feel like "HE isn't enough." Men are sensitive when it comes to sexual performance and they can have outlandish expectations of women (thanks porn industry!). So give him a little Sex Ed, use a vibrator on your clitoris and tada! Orgasm during sex! 
With love,


In order to have more orgasms in your life, you need to have an active libido. Without an active sex drive it's nearly impossible to achieve this kind of sensational stimulation. So in order to boost your libido, I recommend two all natural supplements you can add to your diet. Tongat Ali and Maca: two natural roots that will rock your world. Click here to learn more about how Tongkat Ali can help you. Click here to learn more about how Maca can help you. Enjoy!!

Now spread the news!
If you enjoyed this article, please SHARE IT with your friends! Spread the word there is a broader definition of sexy than what the media portrays. 
Click to Tweet: 3 sure-fire ways to orgasm during sex (+ the anatomy secret they've been keeping from you) #sexadvice

And if you want MORE awesome advice on love, sex, dating and relationships, sign up below for FREE email updates and a FREE copy of my awesome Ebook “Mars Venus Dating.” Xo!


read more blog posts from Lauren Gray
  • suzyq
     4/15/2015 6:21:41 AM
    hey i have the same problem iam 24 with 2 kids , we stay with my in laws. when we met and started dating i could orgasm while having intercourse. then it all whent away. i even ended up saying i did when i really didnt orgasm. coz i know how much it means to him. he has a very high sex drive and will have it everyday every hour if he could. now its all gone i have almost no sex drive and only come with clit stimulation. how do i get my sex drive back. i wanne make the man in my life happy the way he does mine. :)...
  • gewinnst
     11/28/2014 6:10:54 AM
    I've seen thousands, literally thousands of porn clips, both pro and amateur and I NEVER EVER saw a woman climax during vaginal or anal intercourse !! All I saw was what I'd denounce as "pleasure waves" or which were outright fake orgasms which I apparently in contrast to most men find super easy to determine. None of my ex partners could come this way ,neither by me nor by their former partners and neither any of my guy friends' (ex) partners could. Women just don't come vaginally, period. Same way guys don't come by just getting there balls sucked as pointed out above. Digest that !...
  • cr4zycowgirl88
     8/6/2014 10:59:48 PM
    Ugh I have NEVER had an orgasm.... ever. I am 26 and have been with a few guys and nothing.... I dunno what to do!
  • axel
     7/2/2014 5:36:32 AM
    As a man to: AnonymousJ, are you present during sex? I ask you this cos if you are that convincing that your loved one doesn't have a clue after time goes by that you don't have orgasms you for sure must be putting a lot of conscious effort on to it while having sex and provably even before sex starts. For the looks of it( don't really known if that is the case) you have had orgsms before while masturbating or else, I repeat that I don't know if thhats the case. Teaching yourself having orgasms during sex with someone else seems kind of like trying to learn climbing mountains on the beach. The only thing you can learn are the technics and which ones are the ones that suits you. I would tell you to forget that you having faking it and to focus on getting to a point where you are in the moment prior and during sex and you allows your self to ask(even demand) to do the things that you may feel that will make it for you in the timing and energy that you may feel that will make it for you. I personally find this proactive in the moment thing one of the most exhilarating things ever and opens a energy communitications otherwise not happening...
  • axel
     7/2/2014 5:06:57 AM
    as a man: To Rose213, if you are to marry this guy its probably because you know or feel that he is a good guy who cares about you. If that is the case you shouldn't think or feel that he is pressuring you to have an orgasm but trying to rich out for you about something that is getting on the way of your happiness. He is probably( I would) really frustrated that you aren't really reaching out for him for improving this situation that he certainly knows makes you sad stresses you and generally make you unhappyer that you should be. He is probably(I would) worried that you will in the future deal with other problems that way, In your own without opening to him and giving him a way to help or improve the situation, its horrible to want to help and not being able to. I personally if you open up to him and explain your stress source of theppeing thing etc. I would go for a few hours pleasuring each other marathon where you can go to pee as many times as you want without this being the end of a nothing until this fact becomes nothing to worry about and the see where that leaves you on you mutual enjoyment of each other sexually speaking....
  • Rose213
     6/9/2014 8:14:02 AM
    Hello. I just read your blog and i hope it will help my problem not having orgasm. I am getting pressured about my fiance! He wants me to have orgasm but i try my best to have one but i end up having a pee not orgasm. Before i dont know it is a orgasm the feeling of peeing when having a sex so i try to stop it then i just know its not a pee its an orgasm so now its very hard for me to let go my orgasm when we are having a sex! Can i advice me about my problem? Or suggest any suplement to help me orgasm?. Hoping for your responce....
  • anonymousJ
     4/6/2014 10:05:54 PM
    This is helpful advice, but my problem is that I feel so bad about not being able to orgasm that I've always faked it... This has now become a problem as I love the man I'm with now and he doesn't know that I fake it.. I always feel guilty after sex and I don't know how to fix this.. I've tried to teach myself to orgasm during sex but I can never get there.. I don't know what to do. Please help!
  • Lauren Gray
     3/14/2014 11:49:21 AM
    Great question Appledite! I can put this question in my cue for a future blog but if you'd like a timely answer, you can work one-on-one with me here:
  • appledite
     3/13/2014 2:14:49 PM
    thanks for the wonderful advice , but another question... Theres a guy i am having sexual relations with, we are not dating, just friends with benifits, but sometimes when he's super excited, he gets a little rough with me. How do i tell him without totally turning him off? also i have never orgasm once with him but i do fake it, which is the worst thing to do... idk why i do it :( he try the whole clitoral stimulation ,but hes a little rough and i dont want him to damage me down there so i leave the whole fingering thing out. some guys just have no clue yet i did mislead him.. please help, what do i do to enjoy sex with him again? should i find a new partner ? help :-/...
  • Lauren Gray
     1/1/2014 11:15:45 AM
    Hahaha. Thanks tellmisty for taking us all to school! ;-)
  • tellmisty
     12/30/2013 6:26:47 PM
    "Your penis might be THE most awesome penis of all time ..." LOL! I love it. Ahhh, Lauren, that's good stuff. A guy I was dating once had this unrealistic idea that his penis was his gift to me. I reached out one day and massaged his palm. "Does that feel good?" "Uh. Yeah." "That is what your penis feels like in my vagina. Just like that. Just ... that." His face ... was classic. I was so annoyed that he'd been with so many women and none of them had told the brother the truth about his penis, or more accurately, OUR VAJAYJAY. You know I beat around the bush (no pun intended) about it for weeks. The only path left: the straight-up DIRECT TRUTH. Now. I love penises. I do. But we need to put it all context, people!...

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