6 places to find your future girlfriend (and HOW to approach her)
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DATING ADVICE

6 places to find your future girlfriend (and HOW to approach her)

Lauren Gray

Dear Lauren,
Now that I’m out of school I’m having a hard time meeting women. I just really don’t know how to approach them or spark a conversation. Can you give me some tips?
-Andrew

Hey Andrew,

I’d be happy to give you some tips. I wish I could offer you a fool-proof pick up line but in my opinion, it doesn’t exist. I find that a more authentic approach is the way to go. My dad says that the best way to spark a conversation is to introduce yourself. Okay. That’s authentic enough but WHERE DO YOU GO FROM THERE?!

Nowhere. You’re stuck.

Instead, look to your mutual surroundings and ask her opinion on something. If you’re with a friend ask her if she could settle a debate you are having. She doesn’t know you but everyone has an opinion and if you give her a chance to express hers AND you treat it with respect, well, that’s a great first impression!


Once you approach, find common ground, and get her to open up to you, it’s time for you to FOLLOW THROUGH. A great conversation isn’t enough to get you a girlfriend; you have to create an excuse for future connection. So for each location and approach strategy, I’m also going to give you a script for how to FOLLOW THROUGH!


Tempting but NO...

A Club or Bar: Just don’t. A woman’s defenses are up at a bar scene or party. It might be easier for you to get up the courage to talk to a girl when it’s made out of liquid but it’s not conducive to an authentic connection. Loud music, sexy clothes, and alcohol mean surface connections and games.

A Gym: Don’t. Some girls may feel differently but there is no way I want to be picked up when I’m sweaty and stinky. There is already such an obvious connection to sex: tight spandex, sweating, breathing heavy, endorphins, that it just seems skeevy when a guy approaches.  Women at the gym tend to be on guard.


Approach her where she is more relaxed and receptive...


1. A Park:

Scenario One: Do you have a dog? If you do, there is your in. Even if you are babysitting your friend’s dog, it’s cool. Just say, “Hi. Oh my goodness your puppy is cute. This is Milo. I’m babysitting him for a friend.” People who have dogs are immediately part of a community, she will feel safe to open up to you. That’s when you can follow up with, “My name is…” If you don’t have a dog feel free to approach a girl who has one and say hi to her pup. If that dog starts to wag its tail, you’re in.

Scenario Two: Don’t like dogs? That’s okay. Bring a Frisbee. Go up to a cute girl and say, “Hey, my friend ditched me for his girlfriend, you want to toss a Frisbee around?” It will be fun, charming and spontaneous. When she says yes, that’s when you can introduce yourself. Also, don’t show off. Don’t go too far from her and don’t criticize her technique. If she says, “Oh no. I suck.” That’s when you can offer some helpful advice.

Follow through: “This was fun. If you ever want to do this again or even go for a cup of coffee, here’s my number. Text me and I’ll call you. It would be great to see you again.”

(When you give a girl your number it releases her from needing to decide on you THAT minute. You’re not asking her for anything. Unfortunately, when a man gives a woman his number she can feel pressured to call him and be the pursuer. She doesn’t like this either. So the charming middle ground is to invite her to text you and let her know that THAT will be your cue to call her and pursue her. Seriously…this is brilliant.)



2. A Coffee Shop:

When I was single, I used to purposefully do my school work at a coffee shop in order to put myself out there in case a cute boy wanted to talk to me. I can’t think I’m alone in doing this. Approach her and ask, “May I share your table?” If she says yes, sit down and read your book or work on your laptop. You can also ask her, “Is this is a good place to study? This is my first time here.” Or “What is the best drink on the menu here? What do you recommend?” Then introduce yourself.

A nice move is if she finishes her beverage you can ask if she’d like another and then order it for her and pick up the tab. How much is a cup of coffee really? You can afford the gesture. Plus it will really impress her.

Follow through: “It was really nice chatting with you. Here’s my number if you ever want to meet for coffee on purpose sometime. Text me and I’ll call you.”



3. A Museum or Art Show:

This is easy. Just ask, “What do you think of this piece?” Exchange a few lines (nothing too pretentious, be honest) and then introduce yourself. Maybe continue the conversation to the next piece. Or maybe if you know some stuff walk up to a girl checking out a piece and say, “I love this time period. They…blah blah blah (fun fact).”

Just don’t blah blah blah for too long or you might lose her!

Follow through: “Well that was fun. I normally have to drag my friends to these things so it was nice to hang with someone who actually wants to be here. You know there’s a new exhibit happening over at the __________, I’d love to take you if you’d like to join me. Think about it. Here’s my number. Text me and I’ll call you.”



4. A Hardware Store:

This is a great place to pick up the ladies. I’m not saying all women get overwhelmed the minute they walk into home depot but I know a lot of us do. Women have questions and it’s almost impossible to get any help there so if you see a woman wandering around who looks like she’s in need of help or advice, swoop in. Many women are out of their element at a hardware store and would appreciate a friendly helping hand. You can ask about her project, what she needs help on, introduce yourself and even offer to help her with the project.

There's nothin sexier than a man with his tools! 

Follow through: “Sounds like a cool project. I’m happy to help. Here’s my number. You can text me any time for advice or if you need a hand. It was nice meeting you. Hopefully we’ll talk soon.”



5. A Grocery Store: 

Here's the secret most men don't know: you don’t actually have to know anything about cooking to pick up a girl in a grocery store.

Hang around the produce section and when you see a girl you like say something like, “Hey, I see your getting eggplant (or whatever). I promised my mom/sister/aunt I’d make her dinner tonight and I know she’s trying to eat healthy. I’m hopeless with this stuff. Can I ask you what you're planning for that eggplant? Like how to cook it?”

Now you’ve opened her up. You’re like a lost puppy and her guard is totally down. She can give you advice on the eggplant and even some advice on the whole meal. Healthy cooking is very trendy right now (as it should be!) and she is probably into it too. In addition, how cute are you for making your mom dinner? Once you’ve got her talking, you can introduce yourself. 

Follow through: “Wow. Thank you so much. This was a lot of help. I’m going to take your advice and try my best. Hey, what’s your number? I want to update you on how it goes. If all goes well, my mom will probably want to thank you too.”



6. Volunteering:  

This is a great environment to connect authentically with women. You are both working for a cause outside of yourself. This is nice because it shows you are selfless and generous which is extremely attractive. But also it’s nice to have the attention elsewhere because her guard will be down. The easiest in is the most obvious, “So how did you get involved with this program?” After a conversation is sparked, you can introduce yourself.

Follow through: “So, next week same time? I love working with this organization but today, hanging with you, was my favorite. Here’s my number. Text me when you’re planning on volunteering again or even if you just want to get some ice cream.”


In general, the key is to not come on strong and in fact appear like you are not coming on at all. You are merely asking her opinion on something. You acknowledge that opinion as something of value and you are putting her in a spotlight. She feels honored, special, and safe. Only when she is at ease with you, laughing and perhaps playing with her hair, should you begin to show interest and either give her your number (“text me and I’ll call you”) or if things look really great ask her out to get some ice-cream or coffee.

With love,

Lauren
 
P.S. In case you DO want to go the pick up line route, I conducted a week long contest on my facebook page to find you the best possible one. With 21 contenders and a total of 161 votes, the winning pick up line is: “I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!” 

With charming runner ups like:

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” 
“Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?” 
“(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?” 
“Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?” 

Now I want to hear from you!

What are your pick up artist moves? What moves work and what don’t in your experience?

Which one of these places do you see yourself trying first? What approach resonates with you the most?

Then take action! Get your feet wet. You’re not going to find your future girlfriend sitting on the couch in your boxers eating cold pizza and playing video games. You have to put on a nice shirt, comb your hair, and get out there!
 
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read more blog posts from Lauren Gray
  • steve2016
     11/22/2016 6:33:42 PM
    I actually like the ideas I have heard. Or you can reverse the question to the girls. Girls I hate to say it can be dumb but its true. The hardware store I never ever thought about that one. The market the pickup line the frozen food section might work. Produce area that works. Not a big museum person. The dog walking I now see. Oh and facebook I deactivated and have my own search engine. Social media stinks.
  • Joshengebretsen
     10/27/2016 12:41:07 AM
    Ok hi im josh im 25 and every since i left high school i have been able to keep a girlfriend and i dont know y i try everything i have gone out of my way to do the besr i can and to viel i fail im really nice to them a friendly i help them with stuff and they open up to me but then i get told im to nice and i get friend zoned im tired of being alone i see cupples together and happy but it makes me sad i dont what to do
  • Joshengebretsen
     10/27/2016 12:28:24 AM
    Ok hi im josh im 25 and every since i left high school i have been able to keep a girlfriend and i dont know y i try everything i have gone out of my way to do the besr i can and to viel i fail im really nice to them a friendly i help them with stuff and they open up to me but then i get told im to nice and i get friend zoned im tired of being alone i see cupples together and happy but it makes me sad i dont what to do
  • brianries14
     2/16/2016 3:33:40 AM
    Girls might like a guy with good grades.
  • Tayler Strickland
     2/7/2016 2:58:03 PM
    I know right, same, I also need a girlfriend. I've been single for to dang long! I've been to a lot of parties, and I've been hitting on a lot of girls, but since they're not 18+ I can't fully ask em out lol! And since I'm 18 almost 19, and most of the girls at my bros party's are like 15 or 16 I can't do anything (legally)! Most of the girls that are like 17, 18 and 19+ are taken!
  • jarell99cute
     1/24/2016 7:57:48 PM
    hello i need a girl
  • jarell99cute
     1/24/2016 7:56:57 PM
    i am single i need a girl
  • Lauren Gray
     7/16/2013 5:32:03 PM
    That's awesome ab! What a sweet courtship. Thanks for sharing. : )
  • ab
     5/15/2013 12:40:02 AM
    We met at work, common but tricky. but getting to know each other we did all of the above: worked out together at the gym, went to the coffee shop (he hated it, I loved the desserts: good to know), we volunteered together at a variety of animal rescues (sharing a passion and doing good at the same time we found really bonded us and we were able to be together but we did very different "jobs" during our volunteering and were able to learn and see different sides in each other), we shopped together: groceries, clothing, needs for everyday and for our living situations (learned much about how he interacted with people and if he treated others with respect, learned about each others likes and dislikes and brought up discussions about our future shared home and we had a good idea about how we wanted to decorate our home); at the various museums we were able to discuss what we each saw in the art, again learned much about each other's tastes. ...


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