Does Mr. Right really exist?

Lauren Gray

Dear Lauren,
I am a victim of huge expectations. So, lately I’ve been thinking…is there really a Mr. Right out there for everyone? And if there is, how can I change this fear of mine that he is impossible to find?

Hi Alicia,

I believe in Mr. Right and I believe that there is at least one for every single lady who is ready for love. The figure of Mr. Right is all very mysterious and sometimes he is hiding under a mountain of absurdly idealistic expectations. So lets define, who IS Mr. Right? And more importantly, how can you get your hands on one?

Who is Mr. Right?

Mr. Right is NOT a summation of the list of credentials you made up for the “perfect” man. He is NOT just any guy who says, “I love you.” He is NOT going to look like your favorite movie star and act like your favorite superhero. And he will not save you from your life.

Mr. Right is the man that meets your needs and makes you happy. If you rely on a man to meet ALL your needs than you will doom your search to fail because you have unrealistic expectations. Your job is to fill your life with love, support, family, friends, hobbies and work. Then notice what needs are left over that are not being met. This small list of remaining needs is the realistic job description for Mr. Right. If you both do your jobs well, you will find each other and be happy together.

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now

As you grow and learn, your life and the priorities of your needs will change. Your version of Mr. Right will probably change as well. This process of learning and growing, involves, what I call, a series of “Mr. Right Now's.”

Every year we change and grow into more evolved people. I notice huge changes in who I am and what needs I have year-to-year. And I find that I always manage to attract a new person (friend, mentor, colleague, teacher) into my life that meets those needs and teaches me something I am ready to learn. These experiences take me to the next level.

When you are single, these teachers, cheerleaders, friends and lovers can come in the form of Mr. Right Now's. The sum of these Mr. Right Now’s will lead you to become the person you need to be to eventually attract your life partner.

There's a Right Time and Wrong Time

The truth is, there's a right time and wrong time to meet your Mr. Right. YOU may not be ready to meet your ultimate Mr. Right. And HE may not be ready to meet you.

I know you're anxious to meet your soul mate and start your life together BUT if he's not ready for you, believe me, you don't want to rush it. Think of it like he's an undercooked piece of chicken. It will make you sick. You don’t want a piece of chicken that’s undercooked! Let other girls deal with that mess.

When he is hot, ready, and cooked to “perfection,” he will find you. You will find each other. Meanwhile get yourself ready and enjoy your time and development with some wonderfully charming Mr. Right Now’s!

Why Dating Is Like Shoe Shopping

When it comes to finding Mr. Right/Now (whichever it may be) compare the arduous dating process with the romantic and everlasting fun of shoe shopping!

That’s right. Date as if you are trying on shoes. Have a sense of what you want but at the same time, stay open minded. One of those 3-inch spike heels might actually be comfortable! The flats that look the most appealing might rub your toes wrong. Sure, looks are important when it comes to shoes but the most important thing is, how do they feel? How do they make YOU feel? When you try them on, just a try, (you are not committing to anything by saying yes to a walk around the store) observe if they make you feel confidant? Happy? Irritated? Small? Silly? Shy? Sexy? Relaxed? Nervous? Uncomfortable? Just observe. Don’t bother wondering if the pair of shoes “likes” you back. That’s just silly. And it certainly shouldn’t determine whether you like the pair of shoes!

If you feel any version of bad with the guy then don’t go out with him again. If you feel any version of good with him then let yourself be interested. If he calls you, great! This is your opportunity to either let him know that yes! You’d definitely like to see him again. Or, “Thank you so much for the date. It was lovely to meet you. But I am not interested in pursuing the friendship any further.”

Don't Let Rejection Get To You

I notice that some girls wait by the phone for a guy’s call, even if they are not at all into him. This is our natural human desire to be liked and accepted. But please don’t base your self-esteem on whether he calls you for a second date. You are a perfectly lovely woman; you might just not be the lovely woman for him.

Everyone has different tastes. My friend likes ketchup on her spaghetti (gross!) I like pesto. You don’t see ketchup getting insecure because I don’t like it that way. Somebody else loves ketchup on spaghetti. It only takes one to be loved. So if he doesn’t call, it’s no big whoop. He’s not the man to love you.

Never Give Up Hope

Finding love is a process. It’s important to never let your impatience to find Mr. Right distract you from the REAL journey: one of your own self-realization and development. Stick to your path and you will invite Mr. Right in at the perfect time. In the meantime, go with the flow, stay open minded, try on a bunch of shoes (twist my arm!) and fill your life with love, support, and happiness. Trust that he is out there.
Now I want to hear from you! What do you think is your biggest obstacle to finding your Mr. Right?

If you're ready to take a cticial step toward finding him, try these two exercises and please share your answers in the comments where we can all support and cheer eachother on! 

Exercise #1: What is your telepathic job description that you want to send out into the universe for your Mr. Right to answer? What needs would be met by a having a man in your life?

Exercise #2: How will you fill your life with love, support and happiness in the mean time?

These two exercises are vital to attracting your Mr. Right. Get specific peeps! 
If you enjoyed this article, share it with your friends. Facebook it, Tweet it, Do it to it. Share the love! Xxo.

read more blog posts from Lauren Gray
  • msmaggie801
     7/16/2014 1:42:00 AM
    Hi Lauren I love what you have to say! I have met an amazing man who makes me feel gorgeous! we fell for each other very quickly.. and so it was quite shocking to find out (from him) that he has a diagnosis of bipolar, and had a recent hospital admission when he was acutely ill. He also drinks too much at times. So, I have been a little rocked off the love perch, but I love him! So I am supporting myself to love these parts of him too.. I don't believe there is a mr perfect, mr right will come with all kinds of baggage, but that doesn't mean he's not loveable or right for me. Maybe I will think differently when I experience supporting him when he's ill, and his character changes, but I'm hoping the lovelness will outweigh the difficulties! I wonder what your thoughts are about this? I agree that it's so important not to expect all needs to be met by one person! thanks for all the great and free (and funny) advice! Love, Maggie ...
  • albrune
     7/15/2014 7:21:53 PM
    Hello Ladies: As a female therapist tells me there is a HUGE missing element here. Far too many women are not aware of what departments they are lacking as far as being a quality companion. John Gray writes a lot about what men value in women too. But basically: do you always strive for harmony whenever possible or do you like to enjoy arguing at the drop of a hat? When I tell men my girlfriend and I have not had a major argument in 11 months they always do not believe me..."...really that seems impressible..." Nope, it is two people that both attempt to put each other first and feel harmony is important. Great book on this is: The Surrendered Single and The Surrendered Wife. Super books. How many how to books have you read on being great in bed? None? Really? Take a peek at: "How To Be A Great Lover," by Lou Paget. All these books are at the library for free. The men most women want want women who add value to their lives. Women who are "Me...Me...Me..." have very little value to the men with the most to offer.. Make yourself a quality companion. Be girlie, wear make-up, hair, mani's pedi's. Basically do the opposite of most of the women out there and you can have any man you want. Good Luck!...
  • Lauren Gray
     7/4/2014 12:49:59 PM
    Taking things slow is a great idea Lady_Bella! You can still hold hands and say things like, "I'm really enjoying spending time with you," to show him that he's special and that he's not just a friend.
  • Lady_Bella
     1/8/2014 4:07:58 AM
    So, Lauren, I'm trying on these incredibly gorgeous platforms.. They're everything I've ever wanted in a pair of shoes - and above all, I have never tried on a pair that made me feel quite so happy, confident and comfortable. With these shoes on, I feel like I can take over the world! Dear Lauren, Loved the blog and loved the shoe shopping metaphor (because I love shoes)! So I am not entirely kidding - I have met this really amazing guy, and I can't remember the last time someone made me feel this way, or the last time I enjoyed someone's company so much. However, I have long been a victim of haste - and realising later on that I've made a huge mistake and that the shoes are not as awesome as I thought they were. So this time, I've tried a different approach. This guy likes me too - he pretty much said so, and would like to get to know me better. I've suggested that we take time to get to know each other as friends before rushing into anything. He agrees with this and has said he won't pressure me at all to go any faster than what I am comfortable with. I've always believed that the best relationships begin as friendships, so fingers crossed. I just want to sense check - does my approach make sense? I want to make sure he doesn't think I'm trying to friendzone him in the long run. I do want to give this a chance - I just need time to do so. Thanks!...

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