How to keep intimacy alive in the day-to-day grind
Share
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

How to keep intimacy alive in the day-to-day grind

Lauren Gray

Love vs. The To-Do List
 
We’re busy all the time.
 
All of us.
 
All the time.
 
We have responsibilities coming out of our asses!
 
So, sometimes, it can be hard to find time to connect with your partner during the day.
 
My sweetie and I both work from home and we live together so you’d think there’d be PLENTY of opportunities to connect.
 
But honestly, we both work hard in our separate offices and suddenly it’s dinnertime, we watch TV, brush our teeth and then it’s time for bed.
 
Whoosh! The day goes fast. 
 
With so many pressing responsibilities like work, health, exercise, appointments, meetings, family, and friends, it is EASY to take your partner for granted and not put them high on the list.
 
They know you love them. Right? That’s why you’re with them. You don’t need to show them EVERY day… Do you?
 
 
The Investment
 
The answer is yes. You actually do.
 
It doesn’t matter how strong your love was originally, a relationship CANNOT stand up to this kind of regular neglect.
 
It needs attention every single day. Dates, romantic outings, long luxurious sexy time, love letters, “thinkin’ about you” notes, surprises, in depth conversations about your feelings for each other and where you see yourself in the future are all great investments in your relationship.
 
But who has the time, energy, or focus to do these EVERYDAY?!!!
 
I certainly don’t. Do you?
 
So what does that leave us with?
 
 
A Short Cut
 
It leaves us with the most powerful “connection prescription” of all: a HUG.
 
Warning: Side effects may include:
 
·      Increased intimacy and trust in your relationship
·      Increased female libido and desire for sex
·      Increased over-all relaxation
·      Lower stress hormone production
 
You should be hugging your partner at least 5 times everyday. And I don’t mean a quick grab and go! Those don’t count. (C’mon Lazy! It’s not THAT short of a short cut! ;-)
 
In order to get these kinds of benefits, I’m talkin’ a 20 second-1 minute pelvis-to-pelvis hug, hands everywhere, nuzzling, breathing together, and maybe even a kiss on the neck. It is wildly intimate and super under-rated.
 
 
Why Cream of Wheat could save your relationship!
 
Most people underestimate the hug; it’s like the intimacy equivalent of cream of wheat cereal: forgettable, bland, un-sexy, and boring. Surely, this couldn’t be the thing that saves your relationship, could it?
 
Actually, it could!
 
Studies have shown that hugging for 20 seconds raises levels of oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone. A hug re-establishes the intimate connection and trust between you and your partner on a fundamental hormonal level. It can’t sustain your relationship forever by itself but it will be the lifeline of that intimacy until a time where you can do something more lavish. (Aka: it’s the breakfast that will get you through the day until you can eat something more substantial later on!)
 
And it get’s better! The more oxytocin a woman builds up, the more willing and excited she’ll be to indulge in one of those long luxurious sexy times we talked about earlier (which can be hard to motivate for a woman with a long to-do list).
 
In addition to increased intimacy and trust in your relationship AND increased female libido, hugs have also been proven to increase relaxation and lower stress levels in both men and women.
 
Tiffany Field, Ph.D., director of the University of Miami Medical School’s Touch Research institute says, “The gentle pressure of a hug can stimulate nerve endings under the skin that send calming messages to the brain and slow the release of cortisol.”
 
Cortisol is a hormone the body produces when you are under stress. Chronic cortisol production commonly leads to adrenal fatigue, weight gain, overwhelm, and irritability
 
So when you’re feeling like you’re “not in the mood” to be intimate with your partner, it probably has everything to do with how exhausted, bloated, overwhelmed, and pissy you feel (Thanks cortisol! You're the best. ;-).
 
When a person is stressed out it’s hard to slow down and take the time to go on a date, take a romantic holiday, talk about your feelings, indulge in foreplay for an hour, and make the kind of investment you need to in order to keep your love alive.
 
You’re not withholding love because you want to; you’re just genuinely “not in the mood.”
 
A hug, however, can turn that all around. When you hug your partner for 20 seconds-1 minute, 5 times a day, you’ll feel so incredibly different. Your relationship will feel different.
 
Hugs are THE way to keep intimacy alive during the day-to-day grind.
 
With love,
 
Lauren
 

I’d love to hear from you!
 
Do you feel like you don't have enough time to nurture your relationship? 

Try this technique with your sweetie and come back and report your results. What does a hug do for you?
 
And if your feeling really inspired, give hugs to everyone!!! I’m sure your friends and family could use a de-stressor too. :-)
 
If you dig this advice, please share it with your friends on facebook and twitter! Thanks! Xo.



 

read more blog posts from Lauren Gray
  • Lauren Gray
     9/19/2013 12:06:19 PM
    Hi naturegirl, Well it's certainly hard to fit those hugs in when you're not even in the same room! I understand. If you'd like to receive some help around this issue, I can help you through my Email Advice Package. Check it out here: http://images.brandretailers.com/marsvenus/assets/users/71559/files/files/ask-lauren-email-advice-descrip.pdf.
  • naturegirl
     9/19/2013 8:07:44 AM
    Dear Lauren, I love hugs and cuddles. I'm a tactile, touchy feely kinda girl. It's good that my man enjoys hugging me and holding me close. But how do we get to the hugs if we don't even have the time to meet up with each other during the week. Sometimes I feel really neglected and I find myself being caught between my insecurities and our lack of contact. :(
  • Lauren Gray
     9/16/2013 2:48:01 PM
    Hi Pannster, Great question. Remember when you had your first kiss with your partner? Someone had to grab their balls (or ovaries!) to take the risk and make the move. It's scary making the first move. But ultimately, the potential love waiting for you at the other end of the risk makes it worth it. A hug at this point in your relationship may seem forced or strange but you have to be brave for love. You have to put yourself out there and try. If your partner is hesitant about hugging you back and they move to pull away, it's only because it takes time for the trust to rebuild. They are afraid to melt into your hug and receive your love because they are afraid of it being taken away from them again. So when you hug your partner and they try to move away, hold on to them and say, "please, I just want to hold you." That's it. And be consistent with it. The more you hug, the more trust you can rebuild and the sky's the limit after that!!!...
  • pannster
     9/16/2013 10:25:32 AM
    My only problem is how do you initiate the HUGS if you have both fallen into the daily routine of neglect for so long that a hug would seem forced or strange?


JOhn Gray Mars Venus Soul Mate Relationship Seminar Ranch