What 'Leave me alone' ACTUALLY means in a relationship.

Lauren Gray

“Leave me alone!” doesn’t mean
what you think it means.
When it comes to a man, the words “Leave me alone,” mean one thing only. Leave him the heck alone or face the fire-breathing dragon.
No mystery.
No intrigue.
No dance steps.
It means exactly what it says.
But when it comes to a woman, this phrase is slightly more nuanced and can mean more than one thing.
(It’s not fair but it’s true.)
This leaves most men confused. Sometimes, when a woman says, “Leave me alone” and a man automatically respects it (as he would hope she would do for him) she gets even more upset.
This is mind boggling. After all, she just said the words, “Leave me alone.” So why is he in trouble for respecting her wishes?
This is an age-old question. And I’ve got the answer.
This is what “Leave me alone!” really means
Women have two different meanings for the phrase, “Leave me alone.”
Meaning #1:I’m very upset with you. You did something to piss me off and I’m not available for intimacy. It’s not going to be easy for you to make this better. You screwed up dude. You better fight to make it up to me.”
Meaning #2:I need some me-time to relax, and be by myself. I’m not available for intimacy right now or giving to anyone. I just need to give to myself right now and I need space to do it.”

Because there are two unique meanings for the same words, men have a 50% chance of totally screwing up.
Not great odds.
High-stakes misunderstanding:
What happens when you guess wrong.
If she’s aligned with meaning #1 and you choose to leave her alone, bad things will happen.
If you don’t follow her, apologize and try to make things better, she feels like you don’t love her and that she’s not important to you. If she felt hurt before, she feels even more hurt now.
This can result in:
A) An explosive fight later on when you least expect it where she lists ALL the things you’ve ever done wrong.
B) A slow burning resentment that causes her to nit pick, criticize, and ice you out of her heart completely.

If she’s aligned with meaning #2 and you choose to run after her, bad things will happen.
If you follow her when she needs me-time and she’s expressly set the boundary that she wants to be left alone,  
A) You will lose her trust. A woman needs to feel that her boundaries and requests will be honored otherwise she feels that she can’t trust you.
Trust is one of the main ways a man recieves love; without it, the love will slowly disintegrate under a blanket of doubt, insecurity, and secrets.
B) She will feel like she needs to take care of your feelings. She will feel guilty for pulling away and will sacrifice her need for space and me-time in order to make you happy and ease your concern.
This is not what a woman does for her man; this is what a mommy does for her son. Over time with enough of these of sacrifices, she will lose any and all sexual attraction she had for you and you can kiss your sex life goodbye.
So you see, this “Leave me alone” misunderstanding can be high stakes.
When to chase and when to walk away.
So the question is: when should you chase after her and when should you actually honor the words she’s saying and “leave her alone?”
What I’m about to reveal is not a perfect system but it’s the most consistently effective strategy I’ve found.
And it’s probably no surprise that my strategy is communication.
Here is a 3 step formula script you can use to cover your bases and find the truth of her meaning:
Step 1: Follow her but give her plenty of physical space. Don’t act scared. Be confident. This is about her not you.
Say, “Hey. I’m just checking in. Have I done anything to make you feel unloved?”

Step 2: Give her a couple minutes to answer.
Ever seen an ice-cream cake melt in the sun at a birthday party? If she’s upset with you, then this is what’s happening to the ice she’s built around her heart for protection. It’s slowly melting.
Step 1 followed by step 2 will invite her to:
A) Open her heart and say what she’s upset about so that she can feel better.
B) Say, “No. It’s all good. Just leave me alone.”
Step 3: If she remains quiet, and she refuses to answer you, say, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
This is a second invitation. Sometimes, for women, it takes two.
A) If she asks for anything now, give it to her. This will re-instate intimacy and trust. Just the simple act of getting her a glass of water or getting her a Kleenex box can be all it takes for her to open up.
B) If she says “No,” say, “Okay. Just let me know. Enjoy your me-time.”
Walk away and leave her alone.
But…what if she lies?
The secret is: Believe her. Whether she’s telling you the truth or not.
With these 3 communication steps, you’ve done your part. You’ve said the most loving, safe and inviting things you could say.
A woman needs to learn to be responsible for her own happiness if she hopes to have a successful relationship.
She needs to learn to be able to:
A) Articulate her upset feelings when you’ve lovingly extended the invitation.

B) Verbally confirm her desire for me-time with confidence when you check in.

Relationships take two to tango. Communication is a responsibility that falls to each partner.
This is how a man can best communicate an invitation to his partner to communicate her true intention behind the words, “Leave me alone.”
Otherwise, a man is left in the realm of guessing. And I think we all know how frustrating that is for the both the man and the woman. 

With love,

read more blog posts from Lauren Gray
  • Lovethisgirl
     9/25/2016 4:18:04 PM
    Also, I'm pretty sure I fit in category number 2! Do I check up on her in due time or do I wait for her to contact me??
  • Lovethisgirl
     9/25/2016 12:05:21 PM
    Hi, love this video, but please read below for my experience on "Please leave me alone." I was romantically involved with an exciting woman over the winter of 2015 and into the spring. It was a long distance relationship. We had amazing sex, wonderful times together and we both expressed a "magic" for one another that was hard to explain. It was a perfect feeling that I have never experienced before. I fell in love with this woman, and I believe she fell in love with me too. But there's more to this: She was separated at the time from her husband and has since gone through a divorce (and it's now been over a year since I've seen her). We have been in contact via text and phone but she has been hot and cold. I have been gradually assertive to see her again since her recent divorce and she said that this is pushing her away. She thought I was being too aggressive, expressed that it was "all about me" and that she's been through "a lot." After a day of thinking it over, I followed up with a sincere apology to which she responded : "Please leave me alone." I have respected her wishes and haven't contacted her in over two weeks. But where do I go from here? She needs her time to sort things out post divorce, but how much time do I give her? How do I proceed? I wouldn't bother if I didn't believe in this so much. We had amazing experiences with one another and I regard her as a "one in million." I am willing to move mountains to get back in her good graces and to ultimately be with her long term including moving to the city where she lives (of which I've expressed to her). Please offer me your advice. I really love this woman and want it to work long term. Any advice and or direction would be very much appreciated. Thank You!...
  • Beeg
     7/17/2016 10:58:21 AM
    Ironically, the first sentence in this post is what helped *me*! I have a tendency to overthink and to panic when my boyfriend asks me to leave him alone. I have learned to do so though, because forcing the issue NEVER leads to anything good, and in fact, usually sets us back even further than before. Currently, the wait this time is going on three days, the longest it's ever been, and I'm working not to come unglued. Reading "he means just what he says he means, nothing more and nothing less" has helped to calm my heart. Well, at least somewhat. ;) Thanks so much for your blog!...
  • bershan
     5/25/2016 6:14:03 AM
    Outstanding i really enjoyed very much with this post here. Really its an amazing post i acquired ever read. I desire it will help a lot for all. Give thanks to you so much just for this amazing posts and please keep update like this excellent article.
  • goodboy
     4/8/2016 11:01:01 AM

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