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DATING ADVICE

You're a real catch but here's why women aren't interested.

Lauren Gray

Dear Lauren,

I’m a good-looking guy, so I know my looks are not the problem. But every time I try talking to a girl, getting close to a girl, or try to take “dating” to the next level, it never works out. I’m a funny guy, fairly wise, very goal oriented, and I’m very social. But the bottom line is, I’m just not very good with “relationships” or dating in general. Can you help give me a clue on how to be more successful with the ladies? 
 
–Dustin
 

Hey there Dustin,
 

Peacocking
 
Right now you are a Peacock.
 
You’re flaunting each bright feather for the ladies to see and admire.
 
Check out my good looks!
See how funny I am!
Look at me, I’m so smart, goal-oriented, and social!

 
You’ve been putting on a pretty good show: making a solid case for why you’re such a catch.
 
So why aren’t women interested?
 
 
You’re cock will never be big enough
 
Whether it’s good looks, a show-stopping personality, a gold watch or a fancy car—If you’re trying to win a woman by showing her how big your proverbial cock is, 1 of 2 things will happen:
 
1. You will attract the type of girl who only wants you for your “cock.”
 
This means the moment some other guy dresses better, has more connections, a better time piece or an even more outrageous car, she’s going to lose interest in you and chase the shinier objects.
 
No matter how great you are, your “cock” will never be big enough to hold on to this woman.
 
Good riddance! This woman is not relationship material.
 
I’m not saying she isn’t worthy of love but SHE doesn’t believe in her own worth. This causes her to chase men who make her feel better about herself. If these Peacocks think so highly of themselves and they give her the time of day, it means SHE must be worth it.
 
But when you’re always searching for your worth outside of yourself, you’ll never enjoy a lasting, loving relationship. 
 

2. You will turn off women who are actually relationship material.
 
The women who have great self-esteem and who are looking for a meaningful relationship aren’t looking for a Peacock.
 
In fact, one of the most common pet peeves women have about dating is that the guy spends the whole time “bragging” about himself instead of engaging her.
 
A Peacock says, “It’s all about me.”
 
This woman knows she deserves a man who says, “It’s all about you.”

 
I’ll explain more on that in a minute. But first I want to explain something about attraction that will help you understand the situation better.
 
 
What makes a man attractive
(beyond the first 5 minutes)
 
Initially your bright feathers and big “cock” may attract a woman’s attention.
 
Unfortunately, unlike the animal kingdom, human women need more than a show to keep them involved in anything deeper than a surface flirt.
 
You’ve got the first step down. It’s in “trying to take dating to the next level” that you need some help.
 
Men know if they’re attracted to a woman the moment they lay eyes on her. Because for men, looks are a big part of attraction. You naturally assume women work the same way. However, for the most part, we value things differently.
 
Big “cocks” and shiny toys mean little to women when it comes to relationships and attraction. 
 
A woman can recognize a man is good looking physically and has a list of impressive credentials AND STILL NOT BE ATTRACTED TO HIM.
 
On the other hand, a woman can think a man is not good looking but with time she may well see him as the most handsome man in the world.
 
Women need another piece of the puzzle in order for their attraction to grow.
 
 
How to attract a woman with relationship potential
 
Dating is not a job interview where you have to pitch your strengths and accomplishments to get the gig.
 
It’s not so much about WHAT you say as HOW you listen.
 
Just the simple act of listening to a woman and being interested in what she says can earn you, what I call: brownie points.
 
The “brownie points” system is how a woman calculates her attraction to a man.
 
·      You listen without interrupting, you get a point.
·      You hold eye contact, you get a point.
·      You ask her a question, you get a point.
·      You open her car door, you get a point.
·      You compliment her, you get a point.

 
If you earn enough points, you get a kiss. If you earn more, she tells you her deepest darkest secret. If you earn even more, she might fall in love with you.
 
See how that works?
 
It’s not about showing off as much as it is about paying attention to her.
 
 
What musical theater taught me about men with tiny cocks
 
I spent years doing live theater; starring in roles like Dorothy, Ms. Hannigan, and Veruca Salt. I know one thing for sure, when you’re standing in the spotlight, you are blind to your audience.
 
This works perfectly when they’ve actually paid to see the spectacle of you singing and dancing. But when it comes to a date and creating a genuine human connection, this system falls flat.
 
Because when you’re busy showing her what a great catch you are, YOU’RE standing in the spotlight. And you cannot see, let alone appreciate and pay attention to, the amazing woman you’re talking with at.
 
You could be average Joe Shmo with a tiny “cock,” but if you put her in your spotlight then she will fall for you.
 
You don’t have to change who you are or what - you think - makes you great. It’s part of the package (pun intended!) And she’ll grow to love it.
 
·      By putting her in the spotlight and really listening to her, you’ll earn her trust.
 
·      When she trusts you, she’ll open her heart.
 
·      When she opens her heart, she’ll be in a place to genuinely appreciate the amazing person you are.
 
You’ll have proved yourself to be “relationship material.” And by that point, she’s definitely going to want the privilege and pleasure of being your girlfriend.
 
With love,
Lauren

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