Dear Lauren,

Within the couple, who is supposed to initiate sex?

-Charles


Hi Charles,

Who initiates sex and Why

Both. Either. Everyone.

I’m going to answer your question more specifically but I want to make it very clear that this is not a one-size-fits-all response.

It’s in trying to make sex a one-size-fit’s-all concept that causes so much of the confusion, misunderstanding, shame and frustration between couples in the bedroom.

Havin...

Hi Lauren,

After a year of waiting to see if my ex boyfriend might change his mind about getting back together, I now know that he definitely does not want to be in a relationship with me again. He contacted me out of the blue and asked to meet for sex. I still love him, so I agreed. It was wonderful, but short. Two weeks later, he asked to see me again for sex. I obliged, convinced that he secretly still loved me. The problem is that I can’t just have sex, I need more but he told me ...

Dear Lauren,
My fiancé and I are getting married soon, and I want to keep the passion in the bedroom alive. Can you give me some tips on how to do this as lately I feel like my libido has dropped and I feel like I'm not giving him enough intimacy?
-Lana


Hi Lana,

Don’t feel bad. Lots of women have a hard time keeping up with their sweeties. Men usually have higher libidos than women because they have more testosterone. Testosterone is the "let's make sex...

Dear John-

My boyfriend and I have had a small falling out. The situation was that he wanted sex right then and there but I just can't do that.

I seldom feel horny, which upsets me and it is something I want to work on.

He was making fun of how I need some prep before I want sex and it really frustrated me so I responded in anger by throwing his arms off me and saying "don't make fun of something I take seriously, please, I don't like it." to which he said &q...

Hi John,

I read Mars & Venus In The Bedroom, but I missed the chapter on the rough stuff. I saw you do an interview where you mentioned 50 Shades of Grey and I loved your perpective on it. So I am hoping you can help me.

My boyfriend wants to do BDSM.

Is this okay?

I am afraid it might hurt our relationship.

What do you think?

Maya


Wow. Thanks for writing in Maya. I don't think I have ever written about BDSM but I have experienced it, so I feel I can...

Dear Lauren,
I’d love to participate in intimate moments with my special guy. However, I am inexperienced (he knows this) and my fear of pain, insecure feelings, and poor body image create confusion between us. To him I am an immature girl who simply does not want to have sex with him and he ends up sending me out of the room. Help me dispel this cloud of confusion and advise on how I can communicate my thoughts without him having to be defensive.
-Alice

Dear Alice,

This is p...

Hi Lauren,

I am 33 years old and I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. What do I need to do to have one? Do I have a disability down there?

-Maria


Hi Maria,

The world has been lying to you

You do NOT have a disability.

Surprise! Only 30% of women orgasm from stimulation to their G-spot alone.

You wouldn't know the number was that low based on T.V., movies and porn because the women we see there ALWAYS orgasm from sex.

Unfortunately, med...

Dear Lauren,
I married last January and when I have sex with my wife she only wants to do one position and refuses to shift to any other position. I have tried many times but she is adamant. We have similar height and weight and both of us do not have any physical problems. How can I convince her to have sex in more positions?
-Dean

Hi Dean,

I know a lot of men will relate to this question. This particular battle of the sexes is as common as the “you didn’t put the toil...

There are many causes for low libido in men. It is directly related to lower testosterone levels and higher estrogen levels. Much of the foods we eat is pumped with estrogen hormones to encourage growth. However when men add estrogen to their bodies, their testosterone levels decrease and their libido goes with it. This has led many older men to take prescribed testosterone pills, injections, creams, etc. to keep their strength and libido up. Sadly, most never do their research to understand the...

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is not a natural part of aging. Men can have loving, fulfilling, and active sex lives well into old age.

ED is more common than people realize. According to the National Institutes of Health, approximately 5 percent of men age 40 and between 15 percent and 25 percent of men age 65 experience ED on a long-term basis. Overall, an estimated 30 million Americans struggle with ED. The risk of erectile dysfunction increases with age but is not caused by age. About 40 per...