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Ex-Boyfriend Help

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    Ex-Boyfriend Help
    easylife123 at 1/9/2019 10:45:18 AM

    Hi Everyone!

    My ex-boyfriend and I broke up in november. We broke up because we were not happy or he was not happy, (we were living together and have dated for almost 2 years).. He didn’t have a job, his self-esteem was taking a hit and he didn’t feel good enough. I wasn’t happy because i was not getting my needs met. We took some time apart and started talking again mid-december. Long story short, I met up with him and he flirted, touched me kissed me, took me out and did it all in public and then we had sex. I had sex not with the intent of getting back together, but just having fun and seeing where things could go.

    Between Christmas and New Year, he talked to me everyday, not all day but texts and messages here and there, some about his day, some flirty. It was great. New year, we both knew we would be going to the same party, so when i saw him he was flirty telling me i looked beautiful. At midnight, he didn’t kiss me so i asked him why not, and he said he didn’t want to in front of our one particular friend. He gave in and ended up kissing me anyways and everyone saw him flirting with me. We had sex again that night. After new years, his vibe changed. He texted a little less, still responded to my messages, sometimes initiating.. but yesterday I found out that he is also on a dating site. This threw me for a loop. I did not expect him to be on a dating site AND also flirting and texting me.

    While he is allowed to do whatever he wants, and we are not together, and he didn’t have to tell me about it, i love his man deeply and i’m afraid to be without him. He messaged me last night, but I didn’t respond as I need sometime to think about things now that i know he’s on a dating site.

    On Monday, he asked me to come over to watch a movie (at a decent hour so it wasn't a booty call). I went over and I told him something along the lines of:
    I really like talking to you and spending time with you, and I feel confused and hurt when you are flirting with me and on a dating site, and I don’t want to feel confused. Don’t flirt with me if you’re flirting with other people, I only want to do “this” if you’re only ‘doing it’ with me. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’m not interested in playing games, what are your intentions/feelings? I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. It feels like you need to take some time to figure things out, let me know when you do. My intention here isn’t to blame you or be upset, but it is to tell you what page I’m on; I enjoy talking to you, hearing about your life and the military things, doing stuff ? and I like you being a part of my life, it’s fun, you make me smile and laugh, and I need you to respect that I don’t want ‘something’ that isn’t exclusive, so if you’re looking to keep your options open, then I can’t be an option. 

    He seemed receptive, he said that he would like to sleep on it/ think about it. I told him I didn't want to wait forever for an answer, and he understood that too. 

    I haven't heard from him and i'm not sure what my next steps should be. I know it's only been 2 days, but I want to be pro-active in knowing what my next move should be. I love this man and i care about him deeply and I know he wants me in his life too. 

    I believe that he is capable of stepping up and that he won't let me know and he won't fail, but i don't know if he believes this. I don't want him to feel pressured to make a choice nor do I want to convince him to be with me since I want him to want to be with me, but I also want to be left in the lurch

    Any advice would be appreciated. 

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