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My 5 Stages of Dating

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    My 5 Stages of Dating
    JLeigh5313 at 1/13/2016 9:22:30 AM
    John, So I have been dating this guy for 5 months now who I really like and can see a future with.  I know he has good values, eventually wants something longterm, and he knows what it takes to make a good husband (he has told me, understands clear role responsibilities).  He started out very strong at the beginning almost like the infatuation stage.  Then we moved into the uncertainty phase, where I was happy but he became uncertain but wanted to continue dating exclusively to see where it goes. He has been more distant lately and spending alot of time in his hobby of car racing and car shows as he has a very nice sports car he dedicates alot of time to, to the point I feel like I'm competing with his first love for his car.  I found out his last girlfriend was not so supportive of his hobby so he missed out on alot of events and time with this in the recent past.  I am trying to be patient and supportive, as well as attend some events with him and share his hobby while giving him ample space too.  What is a smart move at this point, as I feel like he has gotten comfortable and uncertain, and while I have started to feel like I'm chasing him, he is chasing his love of his car and the auto world.  I by no means want to take that from him, but just hope one day soon I can have an important place in his life too where I feel more certainty and security with him. I feel like I have done everything maturely and right to this point except I may have been chasing too much and altered the dynamic. How do I get his interest back and how he was at the beginning where he was chasing me and giving me clear statements about where he wanted to go with us?
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    My 5 Stages of Dating
    deeLA at 11/17/2016 9:56:48 AM
    I'm so happy I found your book and these 5 stages. Sadly, it was after I had already skipped from the attraction right to intimacy after knowing him for 2 weeks--  and THEN exclusivity.

    After dating for 2 and a half months he went away on a pre planned one month kundalini yoga teacher training at an ashram in india , he kept in touch the whole time, texting, sending photos, even face timing me. i felt a weird shift though right before he came back and then when we saw each other i felt a real disconnect from him. the second time we got together he told me he had been feeling like we missed a step before he even went away on his training, but was really feeling it now that he was back. He told me all this as we were making dinner. I got a bit emotional and assured him that the emotion he was seeing was not necessarily from what was happening with us, but also a past history of relationships turning out this way. he was very supportive and we both shared our feelings of what we were going thru. after dinner i was going to leave and go home but he wanted me to stay. i spent the night and we had sex (big mistake as he had just told me he felt there was something missing and we had skipped a step!) i didn't think it thru and had sex with him because i enjoy it but also because i wanted to feel connected to him. of course now i realize sex can't make you feel connected unless you are connected mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well! 

    The day after dinner he texted that he was "glad that we had a chance to share and get a frew things out there. going to try to meditate, relax, pray etc and find some answers, hope you can understand!" i texted back "I understand" -- he also shared that he has been having problems in his business and that is really stressing him out. So i have let him take the lead in contacting me, which he has done every day for the last two weeks by texting me. however he has not phoned me or seen me. just lots of texts about 'how's your day" or yoga stuff or what is going on.... he shared that he had a day dream of me in the lingerie i had purchased for his bday trip-- and then said he would love a photo fo me in it. i told him that i  wouldn't be sending him any racy photos. i assured him i was not with holding from him but was respecting his need for space. he said "you have". i must admit i was resentful that he had the nerve to ask for racy photos but didn't want to talk on the phone or see me. howver i never chastised him for it. In the last two weeks of texting  we've not talked at all about the relationship or feelings or the future or anything.  I'm using this time to fill up my life and enjoy myself but also question  if he is the man for me. i'm not really sure because we only dated 2 and half months before he left. i am definitely in the "uncertainy" stage,

    MY QUESTION: if he does want to see me, how do i "walk it back" to uncertainy with him. maybe tell him we should date (without sex and exclusivity) and see how we feel before moving forward?  

    It's been really hard to not become resentful for him not wanting to see me for the last two weeks. especially after i had not seen him for a month. it feels like he just doesn't miss me that much. i've only seen him twice in almost 7 weeks.  I've got a lot of mixed emotions. Thoughts?
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    My 5 Stages of Dating
    jean23 at 12/27/2016 3:27:29 PM
    I think it is a very good idea to leave him a little space, freedom, let time do things is important, human changes if he has to stay he will not talk to him, Future try to go in its direction let it do (a certain limit anyway)
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