5 Ways to Get Your Man into MarsVenus

advice: relationship john gray

Many women in relationships today want more from their partners: more romance, intimacy, support, and love. This is what led you here! And you may have read my books or watched my videos, and thought:

“This sounds great! ...But how do I get him to do it too?”

In this post, I’ll share the 5 things you need to know to motivate your man to become more romantic and practice the MarsVenus techniques. Hint: asking him to read my books is not the way to go.

Hi John,

I read some of your books and asked my boyfriend if we could try to use these tips, but I don't see him motivated to do so. 

When I asked if we could 'create a new romance’ exactly like you described in your book Beyond Mars and Venus he said, 'I'm not like that. I'm not able to be romantic. You can't change me.' 

I'm disappointed because when I read the book I believed that we could create a new Soul Mate relationship, but every time I speak to him about it he says that it's all nonsense. 

How can I implement my new tools when he refuses to play along?

– Sandra 


Why Asking Him to Read My Books Doesn’t Work


First of all, I want to create some context here. Anytime somebody says to their partner, "You should read this book," whether it be a man or woman, they generally don't like the suggestion.

Because it feels like somebody is trying to change them, and that feels like criticism.

The last thing a man wants is for a woman to tell him how to be romantic.

Yet, the most important thing a man needs to know is how to be romantic.

We (men) don't have a clue. We don't know what it means.

So when you suddenly say: "Let's do this and you can be more romantic and make our relationship so much better," you're basically saying, "Let's learn how you can change."

Even though you're also saying, "I want to change, and I want to play along as well," it is still received as criticism.

So what can you do to still change the relationship into a Soul Mate relationship, and make it better?


Step One: Recognize That You Have the Power to Change You


The first step is to recognize that you have the power to change you. You can begin applying these things.

Don't get caught up thinking he won't change just because he said, "That's not who I am."

He's only resisting you trying to change him because when you say things about romance, he doesn't know what that is.

You can't tell a man to “be romantic.”

Instead, you have to create a situation where a man feels successful being romantic. 

Because he’s resistant, you might think, "Oh, he is impossible. He can't change. I guess he's just not capable of being in a Soul Mate relationship." But, that's not true.

There are so many men in this world who are loving, and generous, and in wonderful relationships, but they don't read my books.

Most of them don't read books on relationships.


They either:


  • Somewhere along the line, got involved with a woman who knew how to train a man


What you can do is train him.

But don't tell him, "I'm training you."

The secret to this is for you to begin applying the techniques.

Even if he sees you reading the book, don't try to push it on him. You read it and you begin applying what I ask you to do.


Step Two: Ask for Small, Easy Ways He Can Help You


One place to start is to begin asking for his help in easy ways.

Whenever you're needing help, just say, "Oh honey, would you help me with this? It'll only take a minute."

Then, he does it and you appreciate him for it. Then, he begins to experience appreciation. That's one of the skills you learn.


Step Three: Share Your Vulnerable Self


Another thing you can do is use the skill of sharing your vulnerable self.

Rather than trying to open him up, change him, or get him to talk, go to him and share what’s going on with you.

Just say, "Oh, I'm so glad to see you. I just wanted to talk for a few minutes about my day, and I really don't need you to say anything."

You're not telling him, "Let's practice new skills that John Gray taught me in his book." Don't do that, ever. He wants to be the man in your life, so just go and apply these insights from your side and let him experience that he can do it: he can make you feel good.

Romance is produced when a man does things for you and you appreciate it.



Step Four: Ask for His Advice


He wants to contribute to your happiness and make things easier for you. So when you ask for his advice and then take it, his confidence grows.

One thing you can do to keep it simple is, when you're going out, hold up a white dress and a black dress and simply say, "Hey, which one should I wear?"

He might say, "Oh, I don't know." But encourage him: "Well, take a pick."

He takes it and you say, "Oh good idea," and you wear it.

Then, he gets confidence that he can say things and do things that make you feel, on a personal level, more fulfilled. That what he brings to the table is enough to make you happy and make a difference in your life.

But the key is to take his advice or at least acknowledge its good qualities, so make sure you ask him about two dresses that you’re actually willing to wear!


Step Five: Set Him Up to Win with Dates


Instead of saying, "Let's read this book on how to create romance,” you can start creating romance by simply suggesting a date you’d like to go on.

For example, you could say: "Hey, next week, I read this in the paper, but also saw this was going on, and this was going on. I can't make up my mind what I want to do, would you pick and take me?

See, there you're not saying, "Would you practice these romantic skills," you’re setting him up to win.


Gently, slowly but surely you start:


And not because some book says it, but because it's something you'd like to do, something that would make you happy.

What you'll see is that he begins to soften, and he’ll begin to get involved in the fun of it, which is, "I like making you happy."

It doesn't take a lot of effort, and there's no risk that he’s going to fail.


The Bottom Line: He’ll Change When You Do


It would be wonderful if he would sit and read the book and say, "Okay, how can you do that? How can I do that?"

But not that many men are going to do that, and not all women are going to do that either!

Generally, in a relationship, there's one person who says, "My partner should read this book." And the more you feel your partner should read the book, the less they're going to want to read it. He may never read it.

That's okay. You can still have a great Soul Mate relationship because the woman has much more power than a man to make a relationship better.

The woman is the source of love and it's love that motivates men to change.

You don't necessarily change men; but when you give them more love and support in the way they can receive it best, then they find that power of love within themselves.

A man finds the love in his heart when you ask him to do things that are actually significant or helpful to you, and he does them, and you appreciate him.

But depending upon a man, and where he is in his own feelings, you start little by little and then it snowballs and becomes more, and more, and more.

That’s how you begin to experience a greater sense of intimacy, love, and fulfillment.

So, you can create that Soul Mate relationship.

You start making the changes first.


Grow in love,


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