We Had a Great Date! Why Won’t He Text Me Back?

Being in a relationship is my favorite thing in the world! Dating? Not so much.

Some dates are good, plenty are awkward, some are bad, but the worst — I mean the WORST — is when you have a great date and then…

CRICKETS.

He never calls or texts you back.

Without MarsVenus gender intelligence, you may think radio silence means he’s not interested, but it’s that very assumption that can ruin everything.

In this post, I’m going to show you how you’re unknowingly sabotaging your connection and what you need to do in order to nurture the chemistry and build attraction through...

TEXT MESSAGES! (No “sexting” required.)

You’ll learn how to FYI, SOS, and RSVP your way straight into his heart, so he not only calls you back but sweeps you off your feet!

Hi Lauren,

I went for a coffee with a guy. He said he really liked me and hoped we could meet again. That evening we were texting, and he was saying I had lovely eyes and a lovely personality. Two days later, I texted him to say, “Hey, how’s your weekend?” to no reply.

I texted him the next day to say, "I’m not sure what has gone wrong as we liked each other and agreed to meet again. Can you let me know what the problem is?” No reply.

So I took the light-hearted approach a few days later and said: “Just wondered if we could meet for coffee again or perhaps a spot of lunch?” Still no reply.

Why would he not just say, “I’m not interested. Stop texting me!!”? I don’t understand. What happened?

– Debbie

Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!!

It’s astounding.

Men have a different sense of time than women.

Time is fleeting.

What feels like a long time to a woman can feel like a very short time for a man. Men naturally have an out of sight, out of mind mentality. So while he’s on her mind, she’s probably not on his (yet!). Therefore, it’s easy to forget about texting.

Madness takes its toll.

Because she doesn’t know this, she takes his silence personally. This naturally causes her to get impatient, self-conscious — even MAD! So she sends him a confrontational text.

(Okay, all done with my Rocky Horror Picture Show homage. Promise ;-) )

Sing a Different Tune (to Get a Different Result)

When you send a text to a guy, give him a few days to respond before you think something is wrong. His pace of getting back to you may just be a little slow.

Even if you do think something is wrong, it’s not a good move to call a man out on it — especially when you’re not even in a relationship yet.

Dating is about putting your best foot forward; it's about trying on another person and seeing if they're a good fit (at their very best). By confronting him with a hostile text (yes, to him it sounds hostile), you’re giving him the impression that you are:

• high maintenance
• demanding
• clingy
• needy

And most importantly, it makes him feel like he's in trouble before he's actually had a chance to get to know you.

You might have a great singing voice, you might have legs that go on for miles, you might give the best massages, and you might make the best brownies the world has ever seen, but a man STILL won’t fall for you because, ultimately, YOU might be great, but a man falls for the woman who makes HIM feel great.

Men like to succeed, so when you give him the impression right off the bat that he’s failed you, it doesn’t make him feel great, and it significantly diminishes his attraction toward you.

So, Suck up or F’ Off?

Let me be clear: You do NOT need to be a perfect pushover, a suck-up, or a hero worshipper in order to have a man fall for you.

Men tolerate a lot, give a lot, and show remorse to the woman they’ve bonded with — but it takes quite a few dates for a man to bond with a woman. When it's just a pretty lady he enjoyed one cup of coffee with, he’s not going to be as generous.

The first impression stage is fragile. He could like you plenty on the date and still be easily turned off by your confrontational text message. It wasn't putting your best foot forward no matter how benign your intentions were.

Three Winning Texts and One Conversation Killer

In the future, the best way to handle a man ignoring your text is to pretend it never happened. It ain't no thang. No problemo. You have no control over his life or his response. You do, however, have control over what YOU say and what texts YOU send him.

The Conversation Killer Text:

"How's your weekend?"

This is a hard one to answer for a man and will almost always garner the text equivalent of crickets or the one-word response a child offers his mother when she asks: “How was school today?”

Winning Text #1: FYI

FYI: a quick update on your day, which he does not need to respond to. This establishes a connection and puts you more “in sight and in mind” without demanding a response. For example:

"Saw my family today. The kids were adorable, and I spilled chocolate milk all over my new shirt. Of course. ;-)"

Winning Text #2: SOS

SOS: a specific question about a topic you've spoken about or a request for advice. Men love to help and give advice, so he'll be more motivated to respond. For example:

"What's the name of the movie we were talking about? I'm setting up my Netflix queue, and I don't want to miss it."

Winning Text #3: RSVP

RSVP: an invitation to hang out again. Just because you’re the woman doesn’t mean you can’t initiate a date. Men do far better in person than they do over text messages. For example:

"The new X-Men movie comes out this weekend. I really want to see it. Want to go with me?"

Women bond by talking and sharing about their life, day, or experience, which can be done over the phone or through text messages. But a man bonds to a woman by physically doing things for her, like opening the car door, buying the coffee, or giving her his jacket. This can only happen on face-to-face dates.

Why Men Don’t Say, “I’m Not Interested. Stop Texting Me!!”

Men don’t respond with, “I’m not interested. Stop texting me!!” because it’s easier to ignore the problem than to deal with it and be the bad guy.

He wasn’t lying when he said he thought your eyes were beautiful and your personality stunning — but he’s losing interest with every text you send.

At first, he could’ve meant to text you later and forgot, but when you sent the second text, he got turned off by its demanding nature. By the third text, he felt unsure, not knowing what your reaction would be if he saw you again. Would you yell at him? Criticize him? Put him on the spot? “You got some esplaining to do, mister!”

Ultimately, he doesn’t want to be the bad guy. There. Mystery solved.

Lasting Impressions

We all make well-intentioned mistakes while dating. Don't beat yourself up about it. The beginning of a courtship is a fragile time. It’s easy for both parties to misunderstand and overreact.

I mean, HOLY COW! We're holding auditions for who we're going to give our hearts to — it's a big freaking deal! Stakes are high.

It's important to play it smart. The first date is just about first impressions but the texting afterward determines if it's going to go any further.

With love,