How Do I Approach a Woman I Find Attractive?

advice: dating john gray

You see her across the room. Your heart starts beating faster, your mouth gets a little dry, and then nothing.

Why is it so difficult to talk to a woman you find attractive?

If you are a man who gets cold feet when trying to strike up a conversation, this post is for you!

In this video, I explain how you can talk to beautiful women in a way that makes both of you comfortable and ends with a possible love connection.

I’m single. When I’m attracted to a woman, I freeze up. How can I approach her if I find her attractive?

– Myles

The Right Side of Your Brain (AKA Why You Can’t Speak)


If you’re attracted to someone, you naturally want to be with them. You’re also going to have a greater fear of rejection.

The more attracted you are to a woman, the more the right part of your brain is activated, which causes a greater emotional response.

When this happens, you often can’t think clearly. You have nothing to say, or worse, you bumble through and hope it isn’t nonsense.


2 Keys to Unlock Your Confidence in Talking to Women


Number One: If you do bumble through your conversation with a woman, it’s actually quite attractive. It may be hard to believe but women feel safer in your presence if you’re not so smooth and perfect. Isn’t that a load of pressure off?

Number Two: Understand that getting over your anxiety about being rejected is the key to dating. You have to be able to talk to someone you’re attracted to and be okay with rejection.

This acceptance around rejection comes from practice.

Start engaging with women you aren’t that attracted to, women who you know aren’t going to be perfect for you. You will feel less anxiety, and it gives space to practice your conversation skills in a low-stakes environment where your brain can relax. Your confidence will build with practice.


Be LESS Personal to Get MORE Personal


Remember that just as you have reservations about opening yourself up and risking rejection, women are juggling even more thoughts and doubts. They think: Who am I going to let into my life? Who is this person?

You want to create a sense of ease and comfort — not like you’re trying to get something. Don’t depend on her not to reject you. If she senses that you're pressuring her — to communicate, to have interest in you — that's going to get her out of her comfort zone very quickly.

When you have conversations, don’t make it so personal. Talk about things outside of you and you’ll find she’s more likely to open up.

In different social settings, there are different topics you can talk about.

  • For example, if you’re in a grocery store, you might be standing next to a woman holding an eggplant. You might say, “I’m trying to eat healthily. Do you know a good recipe that uses eggplant?” It’s an open-ended question, so there’s more for her to talk about if she likes talking with you.
  • Maybe you’re at the park, you could say, “Oh, wow! Cute dog!! What kind of dog is that?” It’s an easy “non-personal” answer and if it feels right you can tell a story about your dog or your childhood pets.
  • For me — although this is often not recommended — I even like to talk about politics. Mention that you heard something in the news. Did she hear about that? What did she think?


Ask open-ended questions — not yes or no ones. These questions can open the door for conversations.


The Secret to Successfully Talking to Women


The secret is not to push. Lean back. Create space. Don’t need her to accept you or approve of you.

Get used to talking with lots and lots of women — socializing and having conversations — so that when you see someone you’re really interested in, you have more practice and you’re not so afraid of rejection. When your mind goes blank, you’ll have new neural pathways your brain can take unconsciously based on your practice. It gets easier as you accumulate past experiences that provide a level of confidence.

The most appealing thing a man can have when talking with a woman is a simple sense of calm and confidence. Remember: You don’t need a woman to accept you. Just be you. 

It’s you at your most attractive.


Grow in love,


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