How the Good Guy Can Get the Girl (Even When There’s Competition)

advice: dating lauren gray

Good guys finish last.

Can I be honest? I hate this phrase. I think it’s the biggest cop-out. It’s not helping YOU, and it’s not helping her.

She’s a catch, maybe she’s got multiple offers on the table — should the nice guy roll over and say “good guys finish last,” or should he stay in the ring and fight for her affection?

I’m going to show you why she’s currently ambivalent to you, how women really choose a mate (it’s not what you think!), how to win the day, AND how a good guy is the perfect material for the “real man” she’s looking for.


Dear Lauren,

I’ve had a crush on this woman for about a month. We’ve gone out several times, and we seemed to be hitting it off. Then, she starts to back away. I decide its best to completely back off: no telephone, no Facebook, no texting. I still run into her because we’re in the same social circles. This makes it hurt more. Then, it comes to my attention that I’m not the only one who’s interested in this woman — there’s another. I’m the good guy, the safe guy; I don’t feel like I fare well in these types of competitions. I don’t want to risk my heart any more than I need to by trying, but I hate to just give up. Should I go for it, or should I gracefully exit?

– Greg

Mixed Messages


It seems to me, based on your actions, that you’ve already given up. No telephone, no Facebook, no texting! What message do you think you’re sending this woman — that you’re interested in pursuing a relationship?

She’d have to be psychic!

Right about now, she’s probably having the “Is he just not that into me?” talk with her girlfriends, or perhaps she’s writing a “Dear Lauren: Is He in His Cave?” letter.

This woman is trying to find the right man for her. She wants someone to sweep her off her feet and make her happy. By not consistently showing your interest, you have confused her AND put yourself out of the running.

My goodness, man, if she means something to you, stay in there!


Eeny Meeny Miny Moe: How Women Really Choose


It’s important to keep in mind that she probably doesn’t know what to do about her multiple suitor situation either.

Let's see, eeny meeny miny moe, which man will make her the happiest?

No, that doesn’t sound right.

A woman may have a genuine attraction to a guy, but at the beginning, it’s fragile.

Where men are like gas stoves, women are generally more like crockpots. A man’s attraction flame is lit very quickly, but a woman takes longer to warm up to a guy before her ambivalence is traded in for attachment.

You only put in a month before her ambivalence sent you packing. It’s NORMAL for a woman to be ambivalent. Do not take her ambivalence personally. If a woman is overly attached in the beginning, it could be a dangerous sign for a relationship.

You say you’re the nice guy like it’s a bad thing. But, dude, it’s not high school anymore. You don’t have to ride upon a motorcycle to get the girl. She will choose the man that shows her he can make her the happiest.


How to Win the Fair Lady’s Hand


You wanna know how to win the fair lady’s hand? You want to know how to make her choose you? You want to know how to show a woman that you’re the man who can make her happy?

You have to earn her trust. You have to be consistent with your affection and attention. Consistency and persistence build trust. I’m not saying come on super strong and text her every five minutes. I’m saying: listen to her, be there for her should she need your help, show her that you want to make her happy. Put your best foot forward; be chivalrous, kind, considerate, and thoughtful.

Be patient. Take it slow. Do nice little things for her, like bringing her a rose for no reason, surprising her with her favorite coffee order, remembering something she said days ago and refer to it in conversation.

Sweep her off her feet!!!

Your persistence in pursuing her (not stalking!) will help her to work through her ambivalence. Click here to take our free course for single men: How to Get Everything You Want in Relationships for special training on understanding women and building a connection.


Being a “Real Man” Means…


...Risking your heart for love.

The biggest complaint women have about the dating scene today is that men aren’t men anymore. They’re passive, lazy, insecure “boys.” Women are looking for a real man.

Being a real man means putting your heart on the line and pursuing the woman who piques your interest.

The biggest response men have to this complaint is that it’s not fair that all the responsibility for the pursuit belongs to the man. Why can’t women pursue too?

Remember when we talked about women being crockpots? When a woman is ambivalent, how do you expect her to pursue?

She can’t. It doesn’t work with a woman’s attraction process. But when a man pursues a woman, builds her trust, and shows her his interest, THAT’s when she can connect with her attraction, affection, and attachment for him.

Even if you do everything right, you still have to consider that you may not be the guy for her and that it’s just as hard for her to say no to you as it is for you to feel hurt and rejected.

Ask her out anyway.

You say you don’t want to risk your heart, but the reality is that love is a numbers game. In sales, you pitch to 25 people before you get a taker. To expect a sale each time you pursue a woman would be setting yourself up for sure disappointment.

C’mon man, no pain no gain. No risk no reward. Put your gloves on, and get back in the ring! We’re all rooting for you!


With love,


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