How to Attract Women When You're Unemployed

advice: dating john gray

Being unemployed presents an array of challenges. As a man, you may be wondering how to make yourself attractive to women when you’re out of work.

There's a lot of confusion out there for single men today because some women are making more money than men. Men often ask: Does that make me undesirable?

The answer is no. In this post, I’ll share what really makes men desirable to women (it’s not about the money) and the role your work plays in all of it.

Hi John,

I'm out of work so my challenge is that quality women expect financial security and so they're not interested in me.

What do I do?

– Paul


It’s Not About the Money: What Makes a Man Desirable to Women


Single men today may think that making less money than a woman makes them undesirable.

But that is not true.

What makes a man desirable to a woman has nothing to do with how much money he makes.

It used to be that if a man made a lot of money, the woman wouldn't feel that pressure, and that was desirable.

But today, women are choosing that pressure and are more financially independent, so they don't need a man to be financially secure to find him desirable.


What makes a man desirable to a woman is:

  1. That he has confidence
  2. That he is making a difference
  3. That he can find a sense of great fulfillment without depending on a woman...

…. and then he can shift to his relationship to experience a higher level of fulfillment.


When you have a job, if you're a man, what happens is your confidence and your sense of significance are not dependent on the woman.

This is why having a job is so important for a man to create true Soul Mate love.


Why Work Is So Important for Men


What a woman needs isn’t for you to support her financially.

It’s for you to be able to make your own money so that you have a sense of, "Look what I'm doing on my own."

That frees you from feeling dependent on her as a primary source of love.

When I'm doing my work, people are appreciating me. That's a form of love.

When I feel accomplished in doing things, I love myself more.

When I'm learning new things, applying new things, that's all about my feeling good.

When I'm overcoming the challenges of work, I am solving problems and when I do, I feel good about myself.

For example, one of the things I do is travel, and there are always small challenges.

Maybe I get into the car late or maybe there's traffic, so I might get to the airport a little late. While I'm waiting in the security line I may be thinking, "There's too long of a line," and then I have to remind myself that, "No, there's time. I'll get there. It'll be fine."

As I handle these challenges and solve these problems, what I'm doing over and over and over is taking responsibility for my happiness.

And, most importantly, in my work, I'm making a difference, and people — not my partner — are appreciating me.

That builds my confidence so I'm not dependent on a woman or intimate partner to build it up.

A woman’s job in your relationship isn't to fulfill you.

Her job, as your partner, is to take you from good to great, and your job is to take her from good to great. To help you feel better because you already feel good on your own.

This all comes back to the 90% rule.



The 90% Rule in Relationships


One of the most healthy perspectives for relationships is this:

It’s your job to feel good and create your own happiness, independent of your partner.

When I realized this, it took away all the defensiveness inside of me. In my marriage, there were some days when my wife would be upset and I was part of the reason for that and I'd want to justify myself. But then, I realized that the primary responsibility for either partner's happiness is ourselves.


90% of our happiness needs to come from: 

  • Ourselves
  • Our life
  • What we do...

.... not dependent on our partner.


Then, when your partner provides that extra 10%, we can go from happy to happier.

That's the extra bonus of being in an intimate relationship and growing together in love.

So while you don’t need to provide for her financially, you do need the confidence that only a job can give you.


What to Do Now If You’re Unemployed


Right now, while you’re out of work, it'd be good to have female friends.

With them, you can practice your communication skills, practice listening, and enjoying that.

But to be in a more serious relationship, a woman does need to feel a sense of security in your confidence and sense of fulfillment without her.

The bottom line here is you need to get a job to feel your significance making a difference in the world, and then you become attractive to women.

When that job comes along and you're feeling good that you're making a difference, some woman's going to fall in love with you.

And in the meantime, you can enjoy your female friendships.


Grow in love,


Sign up here to get our best tips delivered straight to your inbox.

We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.