To Call or Not to Call? How to Ensure You’re Not Coming Across as Clingy.

advice: dating advice: relationship lauren gray

I like you, therefore, I want to BE with you. Sounds simple, right?

And yet, it’s not.

Women want to be pursued, but we lose attraction when a man is “clingy.” When does pursuing a woman morph into chasing her away? When does the knight-in-shining-armor become that creepy guy who can’t take a hint?

You're about to get clarity. In this blog, I’m going to give you a clear-cut strategy to ensure you don’t come across as desperate, needy, or clingy but rather as the cool confident catch that you are!

There is a way to ask her out so that she’s excited to get a call from you. And you’re going to learn it right now.

Dear Lauren,

I think I might be one of those “clingy” guys, and I definitely don’t want to turn anyone off. I am in a relationship, and I am always doing things for her — buying her flowers, stuff, toys, etc. I don’t get moody or upset when she goes out with her girlfriends or is away on business. I do get upset when we are both in town, and I don’t get to see her except maybe once a week. I have been waiting for her to ask to see me, but is that the wrong thing to do? I really care for this girl and don’t want to chase her away. How do I determine if I am a clingy guy, and if I am, how can I get help and learn to stop this behavior?

– Kyle

How to Tell If You’re Clingy


This is a great question for anyone in a relationship to ask themselves — male or female. (Because it’s just as unattractive in either gender…trust me.)

It is always okay to ask for what you want. How you respond to your partner saying “no” to your requests determines if you are clingy or not.

If you pout and guilt-trip her when she says “no” to you, then you are a clingy and needy partner. At this point, she is more likely to say “yes” to you because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings than because she actually wants to spend time with you.

But I don’t think you are “one of those clingy guys,” and I’ll explain why.


To Call or Not to Call?


I want to put your mind at ease about what you are getting upset about. It’s alright to want to see her, and it’s alright to miss her when you are apart. This doesn’t make you clingy. Time apart makes the time together that much better. Your sex life stays passionate, romance remains a priority, and it’s hard to take each other for granted.

When you want to see her, you should call her. You should ask for what you want. Do not wait for her to call you. She may be busy, she may not be that into you (yet), or she may be waiting for the phone to ring, thinking that if she called YOU, then you would think SHE was needy.

The sad truth is the female sex has a nasty reputation for being clingy. Those un-clingy women sometimes question their every move so that they may avoid being grouped in with that stereotype.

I understand how confusing this is for men. I really do. Women want to be pursued, but we lose attraction when a man is clingy. When does pursuing a woman morph into chasing her away? When does the knight-in-shining-armor become that creepy guy who can’t take a hint?


The Subtle (Yet Crucial) Difference Between Creepy and Romantic Persistence


It’s all in how you ask her out and what you do if she says “no.”

Rather than saying, “Let's get together” or, “I’d like to spend more time with you,” (which can come across as needy) ask her to attend a specific event with you that you think she will like. Look around, do some research to see what bands are playing locally, what sports games are coming up, check out if there are any art gallery openings or festivals going on. Even something as small and ordinary as a farmers market is okay. Just as long as you PLAN SOMETHING.

Occasionally go one step further and buy tickets in advance for something you would like to do and think that she would like too. Let her know you are going and would like her to join you.

If she says “no,” don’t be upset. Just let it go and bring one of your buddies. That way, later on, you can say what a great time you had and that you missed her company. This amplifies the impression that you are fun to hang out with. It’s human nature to undervalue something until it’s lost to us. When she hears what a fun time you had, she will be intrigued.

Next time she will be more likely to say yes, not so she doesn’t “reject” you or hurt your feelings, but so she doesn’t MISS OUT!!

By calling and asking her out on specific dates, you are not cornering her or chasing her away. You are merely showing your interest in a way that flatters her and gives her plenty of room to make her decisions. This persistence without the weight of emotional obligation is extremely attractive to a woman.

To learn more about how to increase attraction and have more success in your relationships with women, take this FREE custom course: How to Get Everything You Want in Your Relationships. Enjoy!




This is a technique that both men and women can use in order to not be seen as “clingy.” So hurry up and share this with your friends right now so they can stop coming across as desperate, needy, and clingy when they’re really just cool people who want to have fun. It’s as easy as this blog implies.


Radiate Confidence from the Inside Out


Taking action on the practical tips within the blog today, you’ll be 89.9% there.

The remaining 10.1% is your energy. People can sense when someone has “desperate,” “needy,” or “clingy” energy and this intangible vibe inevitably turns them off — no matter what your actions are.

However, when you come from a place of self-love, self-confidence, and self-fulfillment, you radiate a much more attractive energy. This authentic core relationship with yourself comes from learning to be your own best friend and ally. This means spending time by yourself doing the things that make you happy, following your passions, exploring self-reflection.

All of this quality me-time makes you so much more attractive to potential partners, current partners, check-out clerks, UPS delivery people, and well, everybody!


With love,


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