How to Get a Girl Out of Your League: The 3-Minute Secret

advice: dating lauren gray

Are you wondering how to get a girl out of your league? Because the ones you fall for are always are, right?

You dig down deep for courage, you make your move (usually some kind of text, email, dating, or social media app) and then…

Crickets. Or worse, she turns you down directly. Ouch.

It’s enough to discourage any guy.

But what if I told you there was a simple way to get a girl out of your league to say yes to a date with you?


I’m going to show you the AMAZING 3-minute secret to getting the women you are interested in to show an interest in you.

Dear Single Guy,

99% percent of the time in my blog, I respond to questions. But now I’m responding to the way in which I was asked.

I was scrolling through my hundreds of emails from MarsVenus listeners (thank you btw, I love hearing from you!) who were asking me for advice, and I found a ton of blog-worthy questions from single women and women in relationships.

I didn’t find any from married men. (That’s a blog post in itself!)

But I did find a few from single men: 31 to be exact. And NOT ONE question was useable.

Not one.


It’s the same reason women aren’t giving you a chance.

It’s the same reason women ignore your messages and say “no” to dates.

It’s the same reason women are writing me all the time: “Where are all the good single men?!!!”

...Because they’ve overlooked you and they’re wondering who’s left.

Let’s change that today, shall we?


The REASON These Women Reject You Immediately


I love you.

AND...your punctuation is terrible. I mean really bad — like atrocious.

It doesn’t matter who you are on the inside or what you look like on the outside, if you’re texting these women and you are not writing in complete sentences, spelling out words, employing a diverse vocabulary, and using punctuation she will be totally turned off, and you’ll lose her attention immediately!!!

Did you hear that?

It doesn’t matter that you have a heart of gold or you’d make a great boyfriend. It doesn’t matter that you work out or inherited your dad’s movie star chin. All that matters to her is that you take the time to write her a thoughtful message.

Let me explain.

Both men and women have basic human needs like water, food, shelter, and love.

But men and women have different primary emotional needs in a relationship. When these needs are met, we open our hearts to our partners and/or dates and take the next step in intimacy.

Meet a woman’s primary needs, and you will get a series of yeses.

One of the six primary needs of women is RESPECT. 

When you don’t take the time or consideration to write a coherent, thoughtful, intelligent message, you are not showing her respect. It feels disrespectful, and she will not open her heart to you; she will reject you immediately.

You don’t have to be a poet to win her heart.

You don’t even have to speak her language as your primary language.

You don’t have to write long flowery messages.

And you don’t need to be a genius.

You are totally enough just the way you are.

But you do need to use punctuation, spell out words rather than using slang or acronyms (like LOL or FML), and spell check your sh*t.

As you continue to nurture your relationship and get past the first few dates, you can make your messaging more casual and introduce some slang or playful emojis. But save these until you’ve already shown her in person on a date that you respect her.


How to Get a Girl Out of Your League: The 3-minute SECRET


Summon your courage, Man!

You are a catch.

You deserve love.

She would be lucky to go on a date with you.

Now make your move and write her a message — with a text, email, dating, or social media app.

Ask her out. (We’ve got great advice to hone your skills for this step here in our free online course for single men.)

Then before you send it, spend three minutes reading it over, spell checking, spelling out your abbreviations, and adding punctuation like capital letters, commas, periods, semicolons, etc.

Is this counter-culture? YES.

Will it make you stand head and shoulders above all other men in her eyes? Also YES.

As you practice this over and over again, it won’t take you three minutes anymore. You’ll get better and faster at it, and your original drafts will improve.

But for now, take the full three minutes to edit your message to show her that in your eyes, she is worthy of your undivided attention for three whole minutes of your day. 

With that respect, care, understanding of a woman’s unique needs, devotion, validation of her worth, and reassurance of your interest, she will be 100 times more likely to respond positively to your message.

Don’t bum out if the first girl you practice this on rejects you.


  1. She might not have the self-worth necessary to receive that kind of respectful attention. (You don’t want to date her anyway; she’s gonna be way too needy for you.)
  2. She might not be ready to date anyone. You have no idea what’s going on in her life right now. Don’t sweat it or take it personally. Just move on to the next one.

Focus on upping YOUR game with this amazing 3-minute secret, and you will begin to get positive responses from women who were previously out of your league. 

To continue to meet her primary needs so she opens her heart to you, check out this blog here where I show you what to do and what NOT to do on a date.


You’re Doing a Great Job!


I trust you to handle your next message like a champion.

I really admire you for making your love life a priority and reading this whole blog post.

You must be a pretty amazing guy. :-)

Thank you for your time today; having this chat was really nice.

By the way, a man’s primary needs are encouragement, trust, admiration, approval, acceptance, and appreciation.

When his needs are met, he feels like he can conquer the world.

When you successfully meet a woman’s primary needs, she will automatically respond by meeting yours.

Imagine what that might feel like…

Then ask yourself if it’s worth three minutes of your day.


Grow in love,


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