How to Talk to a Woman: The Conversation Skill That Makes You Attractive

advice: dating john gray

If you’re single, dating, and haven’t yet met the right person, feeling confident that you know how to talk to a woman on dates is essential.

Right now, you may be doubting that there are women out there who want to have a real relationship or worried that they simply don’t want to have one with you!

But the fact is, there are many, many women who want to have a committed relationship. I know because I work with thousands of them every year.

If your experience is that you’re not meeting women who want to have a real relationship, it’s likely your conversation technique that’s holding her back!

In this post, you’ll learn how to talk to a woman in a way that will ignite her attraction to you, spark conversations on dates that both you and she will enjoy, and three simple ways to help her feel safe enough to fall in love with you.

How do I find a woman who knows how to communicate and hold a conversation? 

I'm finding it difficult to find a woman who wants to have a real relationship and commitment.

– Jackson


2 Reasons She's Not Committing to You


If your experience is that you’re not meeting women who can communicate, hold a conversation, or want to have a real relationship…

...there are likely one of two things going on.

One is that you may be feeling attracted to or pursuing women who really don't want to have a relationship.

Some women are very focused on their career or making money. They're more on their independent side and don't feel the need for, or feel ready for, an intimate relationship. So sure, some women don’t want a committed relationship, but there are still very many who do.

The second aspect, which is what I want to focus on today, is this:

The way you communicate may be keeping a woman from feeling like she wants to have a relationship and a commitment with you.

You see, what happens in relationships is a direct result of what we say and what we do. 

So you might be unknowingly sabotaging your relationships.

That means that knowing how to talk to a woman on dates is your key to creating the relationship you really want!

Whenever someone asks: "How do I find a woman who knows how to communicate and hold a conversation?" I immediately wonder: How do you have a conversation?

Because there are ways you can communicate that will actually help a woman feel attracted to you, fall in love with you, and choose you for the committed relationship she wants.

So… what do you need to change in your conversation strategy? Let’s dive in...


How to Talk to a Woman to Build Attraction


If you're on a date with a woman who's not talking, what are you going to do?

Many men will start talking and keep talking and talking... until she is turned off!

Now, most men don't realize this, but one of the biggest turn-offs in relationships is men who talk more than women.

Occasionally you’ll hear a woman complain about men who don't talk, but more often what they say is that men don't listen.

So instead of focusing on what you’re going to say or talk about, you need to instead make it safe for a woman to talk more.

Yup. You read that right. Your first tip for “how to talk to a woman” is simple: don’t! Well, don’t not talk at all, but do listen more instead.


Here’s why:

  • Women need to have that communication so they can feel attraction.
  • When you talk more than she does, it sabotages the romance.
  • A woman’s ability to feel interest in you requires knowing that you provide something she needs.


And what she needs is a man who sees her, hears her, and feels affection for her.

Most importantly, it makes it safe for her. That allows her to open up and develop the feelings that would lead to a relationship. That process all starts with you helping her feel safe to talk more.

So how do you do that, exactly? I’ll explain more.


Three Simple Ways to Get Her to Express Herself (and Fall for You)


First of all, you want to become mindful of who is talking more — and intentionally speak less.

Let’s say you're going out on a date with a woman you like.

And you’re remembering the tips you read here about how to talk to a woman. 


  • If you notice that you're talking more than her, stop. 

When you stop, it’s because you want to create that space for her to talk more.


  • Ask a question, listen, and pause before responding.

You might ask a question of her and then she comments.

But instead of commenting back right away and taking up the whole space of conversation, expressing your thoughts, your feelings, your ideas, hold back.


  • Ask more questions to get her to talk even more. 

Remember, this is what will help her feel seen, heard, and safe — and ultimately — inspire her attraction to you.

Here are some simple ideas to keep the conversation going in a way that will inspire her attraction.


You can say:

  • "Help me understand that better”
  • “Oh, tell me more."
  • “What's your experience been?”
  • “Oh, where did you first start thinking about that?”
  • “That's so interesting. What else?"


You want to draw her out with questions like these, making it safe.

This seems simple, and it is, but you want to watch out for one common mistake before you get too confident.


The Common Communication Mistake That Turns Women Off


It’s natural to want to impress a woman, but sometimes we go about that the wrong way.

What men always do, given the opportunity, is correct a woman.

But this is not how to talk to a woman that we want to connect with.

We do it with good intentions, of course. When we want to point out to her how she’s wrong, it’s usually because then we feel like we know more and that’s going to impress her.  Only — that doesn’t impress her!

What impresses her is when you listen to her more and make her feel safe to express her point of view. 

If you’re constantly showing her that she’s wrong, she’s not going to feel safe to express her point of view.

Now, it's not like you have to suppress yourself.

You just have to make sure you're not suppressing her.

You can have a different point of view and express it by saying: "Oh, I have a different point of view about that."

If you do share it, say it without any tendency to try to correct her, teach her, or make her feel differently.

That's the whole art of creating safety in a conversation.


So if you can learn to:

  • Ask more questions so she talks more
  • Avoid the urge to correct her
  • Consciously express your own point of view without putting hers down...

...then you’re well on your way to nailing conversations that will help you grow in love!

But this one final piece is also important.


Show Curiosity and She’ll Open Up More


So you’re asking questions and she’s talking more, and you’re listening more.

This is great!

Now, when she expresses herself, it’s important that you let there be pauses.

Someone doesn't always have to be talking.

Take the time to consider what she's saying. Think about it.

Think about her experience and show curiosity.


You want to show your curiosity about:

  • What she feels
  • What she thinks
  • What she wants
  • What she wishes
  • What she likes


Your genuine curiosity and interest help a woman feel safe and begin to open up. 

This will increase her desire to spend time with you or have a relationship with you. 

Always keep in mind that women need to share more to feel a greater attraction to a man.

But if a man keeps trying to solve her problems, correct her ideas, or point out where she's right or wrong, that will only turn her off.

The fact is that without this communication skill, you've been sabotaging your relationships.

Now that you have these strategies and some ideas to get started, hopefully, you feel confident that you know how to talk to a woman that you really like on dates. And I think you're going to start finding women who are more desirous of being with you.

From there, you can create the real, committed relationship you want, and grow in love. Because you are worthy; you’re a catch.


Grow in love,


Sign up here to get our best tips delivered straight to your inbox.

We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.