I've Fallen in Love with My Best Friend. Should I Risk Everything and Tell Her?

advice: relationship lauren gray

You’re in love with your best friend. Of course, you are, she’s amazing!

You talk all the time, you have so much fun together, and now, you want to take it to the next level.

Problem is, how do you tell her? Do you risk everything and tell her? What if she already has a boyfriend or crush? Where do you fit in?

In this post, I’m going to help you understand her point of view, show you how to communicate around these feelings so you don’t ruin the friendship, and ultimately how to get the relationship you’re looking for.

Dear Lauren,

I’ve grown very close to one of my best friends. We talk for at least 2 hours every day on the phone. But, she has a boyfriend. I know that if I’m patient she and I might get closer, but we only have one year of college left. Sometimes I feel she might like me back. She says she misses me when she doesn’t see me and puts her head on my shoulder. I love my friendship with her, and I wouldn’t want to ruin that. But I want to be her boyfriend. What can I do? Should I risk everything and tell her? Or should I just ignore it and move on somehow?

– Stephen


Can Men and Women Really Be Just Friends?


This kind of thing happens all the time. It’s practically a right of passage for a man. The movie “When Harry Met Sally” made a pretty convincing case study for the whole “men and women can’t be just friends” argument; they’re always going to end up together or broken up.

I personally don’t agree with the severity of this theory in the slightest. A friendship between men and women is totally possible; it just takes more communication and clearer boundaries to keep it in line.

But it certainly is natural for a boy to fall in love with his best friend. If a man finds his female friend attractive, he will always be curious about taking it to the next level. It just makes sense; you care for her, you love being with her and you’re attracted to her.

While a girl can be satisfied with this and this alone, a man will automatically think, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could be romantic too?”

Every time she tells you she misses you, she means it. But unlike you, a woman can miss and adore you and not want something more.


Is She Leading You On?


You might see every time she touches you as an invitation for more touching. She may feel that putting her head on your shoulder is as innocent as a smile.

The danger of being a woman and being affectionate with a man is that he may see it as her “leading him on” or “being a tease.” As long as you understand that she does all this innocently and because she trusts you, you can avoid the usual anger and resentment that men tend to feel in the face of a “tease.”

It’s important to not have any anger or resentment in your heart when and if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Because it’s not like you made a deal and she fell short. She never promised you anything more than to be your friend.


To Tell Her or Not to Tell Her?


I must break some news.

There is no way you can get over someone when you still have hope that they might come around.

So, I suggest that you enlighten her with your feelings and face the results — whatever they might be.

Let me settle your stomach by letting you know that you are not risking everything. In fact, my best friend made a move on me once, and while it was extremely awkward for about two weeks, once the boundaries of our friendship were re-established, it went right back to normal.

However, I do not recommend you follow directly in his footsteps. Rather than go in for an uninvited kiss, try talking to her about your feelings.

First, establish that you have no expectations of her to reciprocate your feelings. With no pressure on her, she is more likely to listen to you with an open heart.


Confession of Love Script


Say, “Hey, this doesn’t need to be mutual but I have something to say. I care about you. Spending time with you in any way is really fun. To be totally honest, I’m attracted to you too, and if you didn’t have a boyfriend, I’d try to pursue you. I know you have a man already, and I support you completely. I’m not asking for anything. I love being your best friend, and I just wanted to let you know.”

You have put no pressure on her, and yet, by being so heartfelt, you have invited her to open up about her feelings as well.

She may tell you that she looks at you like a brother or that she’s happy in her current relationship.

But know that you have planted a seed that may very well grow into something special later on.

It takes courage to do what I’m suggesting, but I promise you that you will feel lighter and happier once you’ve confronted this.

It may be because she reciprocates your feelings and has been waiting for you to make your move!

Or it may be because you finally get your answer, and you can move on.




By letting go of your hope, don’t be surprised if you let go of a few things in your friendship too.

For example: instead of talking to her for hours on the phone, you may start to focus your game on a new girl who piques your interest. *I highly recommend this*

The friendship will not suffer, but it may change as you begin to have new priorities.

Your interest in being her boyfriend tells me you’re ready and wanting a relationship. Get excited about the part of you that’s wanting that! It means you can start practicing with the opposite sex and building your relationships skills.

Whether she’s the one or someone else is, you’re a catch and worthy of having your feelings reciprocated, your gifts received and your efforts appreciated.

Take this step. And then take the next one. You’ve got this.


With love,


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