The Rubberband: A Simple Yet Little Known Way to Light Your Passion On Fire!

advice: relationship lauren gray

The passion was electric in the beginning! You couldn’t keep your hands off each other. It was so easy and natural.

But now it’s gone (or at least fizzling).

And as cool as you are on the outside, inside, you’re desperate for someone to tell you how the heck to bring that back.

I’m going to show you two ways to light your passion on fire! One of them you’ve seen in movies, and you should avoid like the plague. The other is called “The Rubberband;” it’s totally counter-intuitive but what can I say? It works like a charm.


Hi Lauren,

So much of what you teach feels counter-intuitive, and it’s scary, but when I apply it, it works! So my question is you say that men respond better to a happy woman than a dissatisfied one — but what if a guy likes to argue? Several male friends told me it is necessary to argue from time to time and that it’s like a spice for them. They get more attracted to the woman as she argues and are bored by good, quiet, and always satisfied women. How can one learn to argue in a sexy way to keep the attraction and passion alive?

– Genevieve

First of all, I don’t ever want any woman to associate the word “good” with words like “quiet” or “always satisfied.” That’s not real, authentic, or "good."

But I am glad you brought up this point because it is a misunderstanding worth clarifying.

And, yes, my answer will most definitely feel counterintuitive. ;-)


There Are 2 Ways to Light Your Passion on Fire


When it comes to passion, there are two ways to light the fire.

  1. “Sexy Arguing” (aka The Dark Intimacy Addiction)
  2. The Rubberband

I’m going to break down each of these options and explain to you how they work for you.


“Sexy Arguing” (aka The Dark Intimacy Addiction)

People who don’t know any other way, inject artificial fire into a relationship by picking a fight, yelling at each other, and then making up with dramatic sex.

This is a fantasy — a thing that we’ve seen in movies over and over again. It looks exciting and seems to provide a “fix” to the craving for passion. It certainly can stimulate exciting hormones like adrenaline or dopamine.

Couples even become addicted to this kind of dramatic connection to create and inspire feelings of passion and sexual chemistry. They simply cannot be stimulated by the subtlety of romantic candlelight or a tickle fest early in the morning before the world wakes up. They become addicted to this heightened stimulation in order to turn them on to each other.

The reality of this, practically and hormonally, is that it’s not a sustainable system. It can work a few times but ultimately loses its power until both partners feel empty, numb, and unfulfilled. Or worse, escalates to something violent just so you can feel something.

The best-case scenario is that you have a completely stressful, fiery, faux-passionate fling that burns out quickly and leaves you sore. This strategy to connect has no business in a long-term partnership.

But it’s not all bad. Arguing can help your relationship in a specific way. Just be careful.

Just like all things, moderation is best. When we go extreme, it becomes an addiction, and we pay the price. But arguing, like a glass of red wine, has benefits in small doses.

Arguing is healthy for a relationship only in the capacity that it can help some people express themselves more honestly than they normally would.

Authenticity and transparency are SO important to the health of our relationships. So in that way, arguing can be a good thing.

But there is something to be cautious about — especially if you haven’t learned MarsVenus communication techniques to express yourself in a healthy structure.

What you say in an argument can cause permanent damage to the trust in your relationship and make your partner feel unloved. In this way, it is not supporting the authenticity of your connection since your authentic connection is love. Make sense?

So use it sparingly and sign up for our free course so you can learn as much MarsVenus communication skills as possible to help you connect in a more loving, authentic way, okay?


The Rubberband

Let’s leave the drama for the movies and focus on a more effective and sustainable way to experience that passion in your relationship again.

This can be done using the fundamental concept of “The Rubberband.”

When you pull a rubber band apart and stretch it to its max, what happens when you let go?

It springs back with gusto.

Do this in real life with real people, and what happens?

You can’t keep your hands off each other. (Remember that feeling?)

So how can we Rubberband in our relationships?

We create a healthy balance between independence and intimacy, time apart and time together. Stretching the rubberband taut and tense so you can spring back to each other in eager passion and intimacy. 

This has the potential to keep a relationship hot, heavy, authentic, and passionate for a lifetime.

The thing is: Not all time is created equal. Men and women need quality time apart and quality time together in order for this rubberband to work effectively.

So, how can you implement this in a practical and successful way?



The #1 Thing a Man Needs to Rubberband Successfully


Men need to pull away to their cave on a regular basis. Sitting down and doing nothing is the quality time apart he needs to thrive. Staring into a screen, a crackling fire, a newspaper, or a sporting event. Men naturally tend to pull away to their caves, so for the most part, they’re doing a great job to support the Rubberband process.

However, he can do a great job til the cows come home, but until a woman does her part, the solution is incomplete.

A relationship takes two to tango.


What a Woman Needs to Spark Her Passion and Become Irresistible!


Women don’t naturally pull away to a cave or even understand it when a man does. So a woman needs a slightly more nuanced solution. After years of research, I created it! It’s called: The You-We-Me-Time™ system.

Through “Me-Time,” you develop the authentic, self-assured, passionate, and sexy vitality within that makes you irresistible. By pulling away to this quality independence regularly, you create a sustainable system of attraction with your partner.

Pull away, charge yourself up with sexy vitality and enjoy the sparks when the Rubberband snaps back!

Which leads us to “We-Time.” Because you also have to have quality time together in order for the Rubberband to be successful!


Two Things You MUST Do to Fulfill Quality Time Together


Quality time together is fulfilled by meeting each other’s primary emotional needs. Hint: they’re different for men and women but totally complimentary.


To simplify it down into 2 critical steps:

1. A woman needs to ask for what she needs in a way that inspires her man to action. (This is a skill ANY woman can learn.)

2. Then appreciate him for pleasing her. (There is a way to do this genuinely and that is also totally learnable!).


It’s not an “always satisfied woman” who turns a man on. It’s a woman who is in constant connection with her ever-evolving desires and her genuine pleasure at having those desires fulfilled that turns a man on.

When that dynamic is happening on the regular, this fulfills the necessary We-Time connection to thrive as a couple.

If a woman takes the time to learn how to master her own You-We-Me-Time, her man will automatically respond in a passionate way, and it will light your relationship on fire!

Here’s the thing about the You-We-Me-Time ™ system. It is step-by-step, and it takes six weeks to learn. Once you master it, it will sustain your relationship’s passion, attraction, and fulfillment for a lifetime. Click here if you want to learn how YOU can master the You-We-Me-Time™ system.


With love,


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