What Can I Do to Keep Our Passion Alive?

advice: relationship john gray

Your relationship started out hot and heavy with passion to spare. It was fun and exciting, and you always had the time, energy, and desire for sex.

However, the longer you’re together, the more of a challenge it is to keep that spark lit. The passion that drew you together is fizzling — or has been snuffed out completely.

That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to reignite those feelings, but it does take a little bit of extra work. (You’ll see that it’s 100% worth it!)

In this video, I provide a practical example of how to enjoy the comfort of a lasting, solid relationship while keeping the passion alive and better than ever.

What can we do to keep our passion alive? We used to be romantic, but now, the sex is boring and routine.

– Karen

Why It Works In the Beginning


It’s not unusual for your relationship to become boring and mundane after you’re with your partner for a while. It’s actually a very common challenge for couples today — particularly once you have children and domestic responsibilities.

At the beginning of a relationship, there’s newness. Newness stimulates the brain chemical dopamine, the romantic hormone, which allows you to feel pleasure, interest, and motivation.

Another brain chemical that gets involved in our relationships is serotonin. Serotonin is released in our brains when someone we desire is attracted to us. It’s that giddy feeling you get when you are the object of affection by someone you like.

With dopamine and serotonin running the show, you rarely feel negative emotions about the relationship, like resentment and other blocks to intimacy. With no history between you clouding up your experience, it’s easy to feel passion and connection.

Dopamine and serotonin — a friendly boost at the beginning of a relationship — inspire you to have abundant romance, passion, and great sex.

But then this feeling fades. What happens? Where do all these feelings go?


Losing Interest May Be Natural, but It’s Not Necessary


The newness and corresponding hormones at the beginning of a relationship keep the passion alive. On a physiological level, it keeps a man in touch with his masculine side (assertive, goal-oriented, confident) and a woman in touch with her feminine side (receptive, relationship-oriented, trusting). This polarity creates attraction and excitement.

You don’t have to put effort into it. It just happens.

But when the newness goes away, so does this natural polarity and attraction. Rather than feeling hot and heavy for each other, you feel like good friends.

That’s not a bad thing; it’s mostly where we want to be in relationships. You want to feel at ease and relaxed with your partner.

Does that mean we’re destined to end up in a boring routine?

Absolutely not!

You can have both the comfort and the passion! But it takes a little effort. You’re invested now, so this effort should be easy to put in. You love them, you know it’s worth it.

The challenge to keep the passion alive is for the man to connect with his masculine energy and for the woman to connect with her feminine energy. This conscious practice (I’ll show you how) will support your individual well-being and your passionate connection to each other.


Sustaining Passion While In a Comfortable Relationship


Our goal is to be comfortable in our relationship while still having that passion we crave.

A major dopamine (and passion) stimulator is polarity. Masculine energy is always excited and turned on to feminine energy. In turn, feminine energy is excited and turned on to masculine energy.

Unfortunately, over time in a relationship, a man loses a lot of his masculinity. We can measure this through his testosterone levels (the male hormones that create his masculine energy).

On a biological and statistical level, we can see that over the age of 35, or after a man gets married, his testosterone levels begin to drop. A man needs to have healthy testosterone levels to maintain the passion and romance in a relationship.

Over time, a woman tends to lose connection with her femininity. We can measure this through her hormones. A woman needs ten times the amount of estrogen (the female hormone that creates her feminine energy) than a man. After marriage, she will often have the same estrogen levels as her male partner. This isn’t enough to maintain the passion and romance in the relationship.

What causes this dramatic drop in hormone levels in a woman?

A woman’s estrogen levels fall due to psychological factors, such as an increase in stress and anxiety, along with biological reasons, like menopause or thyroid disorders.

To keep the romance alive, a woman needs the skills to come back to her feminine side. The great thing is a man can learn how to help a woman accomplish that. By doing so, a man’s masculine energy automatically increases. Win-win.


How to Enhance a Woman’s Passion
(and Boost a Man’s at the Same Time!)


Romantic gestures, like planning a date, can be instrumental in helping a woman progress from her masculine side to her feminine side. When done correctly, her estrogen levels increase, his testosterone levels increase, and passionate polarity is fulfilled.

How do you ensure your romantic gesture gets you where you want to be?

Follow these steps:

  1. On Saturday, he needs to ask her for three things she’d like to do the following weekend.
  2. He chooses one of those activities and takes charge of planning the date she’ll like.
  3. When the man focuses the date on what she likes to do and not what he likes to do, this ensures success.
  4. The anticipation of this special date will increase her estrogen (more so than the date itself!), and his testosterone will increase due to the anticipation of success.
  5. BONUS TIP: Whenever possible, schedule this special night to take place 9-12 days after her period. That’s when her estrogen levels need to peak in order to sustain the romantic feelings in the relationship. But anytime you apply these steps is a great idea.

With some successful romantic dates and healthy communication, you’ll be able to keep the romance and passion alive (even in sweatpants 🙂).


Grow in love,


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