Why Didn’t He Call? What You’re Doing to Stop Lasting Connection

advice: dating lauren gray

You had a great night. One thing led to another, and you slept together. It was nice. He said he’d call. He didn’t.

And now your emotions are hijacked by some douchebag who doesn’t deserve your tears.

You’re not alone. You’re in great company. But there is a lesson to be learned here.

We’re going to get some healing clarity on why he didn’t call and what you can do next time you like a guy so that you nurture a lasting connection.

Dear Lauren,

I met this guy (a professional surfer!) over vacation. Things got a little crazy, and we ended up sleeping with each other that night. Then we met up at the bar the next night and ended up in bed again. The next morning he said, "It was very nice meeting you. I'll call you when I come to your hometown next month." (He was passing through for a surfing tournament.) The next month rolled by, and I sent him a text — but nothing back! Did I do something wrong? How do I read guys and not let it get to me emotionally? Or if I did do something wrong, how can I prevent it from happening next time?!

– Julia

You did nothing “wrong,” as long as your intention was to have a super fun casual hook-up. You both had a great time after all. A hot fling with a studly surfer? Sounds fun to me!

However, if your intention was to create a lasting connection with this man then, yes, you did something “wrong.”


Was Any of It Real?


Here’s the deal: Just because he didn’t call you doesn’t mean he was never interested. He was; he genuinely enjoyed your company. All that fun connection you had was REAL.

But now he’s over it.

And that’s okay. Relationships don’t need to last in order for them to have value.

Don’t take his moving on personally. It has nothing to do with how pretty, charming, smart, or sexy you are. It has nothing to do with something you said that he might have misunderstood or taken offense to. It has nothing to do with YOU.

Casual affairs rarely last. It’s just the nature of the game. He probably met someone else in the meantime or just moved on.


Taking the Sting Out of Rejection


You mentioned that this type of rejection gets to you emotionally. Of course, it does! You’re human!

But there ARE ways to become less vulnerable to those hurt feelings. Here are two:

1. You can come into the fling with zero expectations of the other person, fully living in the moment, and fully prepared to move on after you part.

2. You don’t play the game in the first place.


(Most) Men Aren’t Douche Bags


Contrary to popular opinion, most men don’t move on from casual affairs because they’re douchebags, and they want to destroy lives.

They move on because YOU haven’t taken the time to nurture a connection with them.

Men bond to women by pursuing them, taking them out on dates, learning how to make them smile, how to meet their needs, etc. The more of a courtship there is, the stronger that bond grows.

This just wasn’t done here. You never gave him a chance to bond with you. So, the minute you were out of sight, the bond broke. I’m not surprised. After only two nights of drunken sex, it was flimsy, to say the least.


How to Get Serious


When you are serious about wanting a lasting relationship, build your connection through going on dates, and allow the man to pursue you before you jump into bed with him.

Men are always going to want sex. It’s the first thing they think of when they see a beautiful woman.

Sure, sex can lead to a relationship — it’s been doing that for years! BUT when a man has sex with a woman without a bond, he genuinely doesn’t know if he’s interested in pursuing things further. Having sex with him today is no guarantee he will be interested in you tomorrow.

John Gray says, “If you give men what they want, they don’t realize they need you.” So it might be worth it to you to slow down and forge that bond.


Your Vagina Is Powerful, but She Won’t Do *That*


When a guy comes on to you, it’s flattering. It’s only natural that you’d like to make everyone happy by hopping into bed and having a fun night.

A lot of women even believe that having sex with a man ensures that he’ll like her even more. So when she senses a man’s interest, her first move is to seduce him. Once they have sex, he’ll just have to have feelings for her, right?

Your vagina is powerful but she doesn’t do that.

If you want a lasting connection, if you want to imprint yourself on his heart so that he cannot forget you, and he cannot live without you, then don’t jump into the sack before the bond is forged.

No matter what you are looking for, I suggest that you don’t look at this event with regret. It led you to write in and learn from your situation so that you could be more aware of the pattern you were creating and should you choose to, break the pattern altogether!


With love,


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