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My #1 Relationship Mistake (and the 'rule' that changed everything for me)


My #1 Relationship Mistake
I had an unusual childhood. My dad was the number one self-help author of all time and the world's leading relationship expert. I was a kid who ate dinner to the tune of gender and relationship discussions and boy, did I learn a lot. So when I first started dating, I assumed I had it all figured out.

It’s safe to say I was W R O N G.

I had several relationships that started wonderfully. My boyfriends would make me endlessly happy, and I wa...

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The top 5 relationship efforts that give you even more in return.


Happy Valentines Day/Week!
Newsfeeds will be full of picture perfect couples – getting engaged, flashing new jewelry, bouquets of flowers, etc. And I think it’s great that these men and women get to bask in the romantic glow of their partner’s loving attention on this special day.

But great relationships can’t survive on Valentine’s Day efforts alone. A great relationship needs to be fed with loving attention every day.

Does that sound exhaustin...

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Want a successful relationship? When your partner let's you down, do this...


It’s easy to find fault. It’s always going to be easy to find fault in our partners. We’re human. We make mistakes. And because we open our hearts to and find ourselves leaning on our partner’s for support, it can be VERY obvious when they screw something up, make a mistake, or let us down.

But what separates a dissatisfying relationship from a fulfilling one is looking past the fault and finding the loving intention. Squinting through your partner’s mistake...

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DATING ADVICE

Why men pull away after sex (and what you can do about it!)

Hi Lauren,

I’m friends with this guy and we really get along. Last week we somehow ended up in bed together. It felt comfortable and natural. What’s bothering me now is that he’s been acting differently towards me ever since. He used to text me all the time and now he never texts me unless I text him first. He seems like he isn’t interested in maintaining our relationship anymore and I’m not sure why. We had fun. Why is he acting so different?

-Sonia

...

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DATING ADVICE

Stumped at being dumped? The real reason you're single.

Dear Lauren,

My ex-girlfriend said that she did not love me nor was she attracted to me. But we were together for six months! She made the first move on our first date, she would always initiate PDA's: kissing, touching, even arousing me in cabs, restaurants, the park... She expressed interest in sex but we never went through with it. But tell me, how is it that you can get so close to someone physically and claim to have neither attraction nor feelings? I am still nursing my broken hea...

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The most common mistakes women make when trying to get a guy to commit

Dear Lauren,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He tells me he loves me like he’s never loved any girl, but he just can’t commit and he doesn’t know why. It’s so confusing…for both of us!

I’m very clingy, a bit insecure too, and sometimes I check his phone or try to mother him, but he says that’s not the problem. That the problem is him, and he doesn’t know when he’ll get over it. I tried ultimatums but they don&r...

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RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

What 'Leave me alone' ACTUALLY means in a relationship.


“Leave me alone!” doesn’t mean
what you think it means.
When it comes to a man, the words “Leave me alone,” mean one thing only. Leave him the heck alone or face the fire-breathing dragon.

No mystery.

No intrigue.

No dance steps.

It means exactly what it says.

But when it comes to a woman, this phrase is slightly more nuanced and can mean more than one thing.

(It’s not fair but it’s true.)

This leaves most...

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3 love hacks to SAVE your long distance relationship.

Dear Lauren,

I want to understand my boyfriend and save my long distance relationship. I’m not sure if I want to be with him, because sometimes I think I can’t live without him, and sometimes I don’t want to deal with his ignorant behavior. He doesn’t even text me or call me. When I ask him why he doesn’tpay attention to me, he says he’s busy and he forgets. Frankly, I don’t feel like I’m asking too much. I don’t want to run after him, I...

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Are you a nightmare to be with and you don't even realize it?! Cuz I was.

This blog was originally posted October 24th, 2014.
Are you a nightmare to be with and you don’t even realize it?

Some of the greatest villians of all time have been two faced. Jekyll and Hyde. Norman Bates. Harvey Dent and Two Face.

Why are these characters so consistently compelling?

Because “evil” is surface scary - slasher-film scary - but a person you love and trust turning on you with an evil side?

That’s real drama. That’s horrifyin...

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The SECRET to my great relationship.

Celebrating five years since I “fell on his face”

My partner, Glade, and I just got back from Napa, California where we celebrated our 5 year anniversary.

FYI - We’re not married. We celebrated the 5 out-of-this-world-amazing years since I drunkenly “fell on his face.”

Let me explain.

Six years ago we were JUST friends. We’d go hiking, we’d go out to breakfast, we were in a few musical theater shows together. We were pals. That&r...

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How to get your ex back (a step-by-step guide)

Dear Lauren,

How can I reconcile withmy ex-boyfriendafterhe broke up with me? He dumped me after being together for 3 years. I’ve given him "space" for 2.5 days with no contact (no more begging or trying to change his mind). Now he sends me an email to see if I'm "ok." Do I respond or stick to some "30 day rule?" What type of contact is okay?

How do I win back my ex? And how long do I wait for him before I move on?

-Brooke


Hey Brooke...

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DATING ADVICE

How to make the first move with confidence

Dear Lauren,
I’ve been developing a friendship with this cute guy for a month, whom I’m totally crushing on. At this point we are stuck in friend mode. How do I cross over? How do I get this guy to kiss me?
-Angela

Hey there Angela,

The Bridge from Friends to Lovers

Great question! People always talk about how great relationships are when they’re founded in friendship. And I totally agree. But what they fail to explain is how you’re supposed to elegantl...

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10 things I do daily to keep my relationship bulletproof.

Valentine's Day shouldn't be the ONE day a year
you see or make an effort toward your relationship.
Valentine's Day, as I see it, is a day to celebrate and acknowledge the solid, loving, fun, passionate and committed relationship you've thoughtfully nurtured and built over
the rest of the year.

Which is why I'm sharing with you today,
The 10 things I do daily to keep my relationship bulletproof.

Because Grand Gestures are GREAT!
But real ...

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What your partner REALLY wants for Christmas but will never ask for.

Holidays: Ideal vs. Reality

When I say "Christmas," I really mean Holidays. Because this has nothing to do with religion, tradition, or culture.

This is relationship specific.

In theory this time of year is supposed to be fun, jolly, warm and relaxing. Surrounding the fireplace sipping on hot toddies. Laughing around the dinner table because someone accidently put salt in the apple pie instead of sugar (this actually happened – shout out to my Aunt!)

In theory...

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DATING ADVICE

How to Make Yourself Irresistible to Men in 3 Simple Steps

Hi Lauren. I’m single but I want to be in a relationship. How do I make a man want me?

-Allie


Hi Allie,

Great question. This is a big question on a lot of single women’s minds. Because sometimes, good ol’ fashioned “be yourself” just doesn’t cut it.

Most of the time the reality of “being yourself” in front of a cute guy means clamming up and acting “cool, ” which includes NOT saying hi.

He can’t fall in...

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SEX ADVICE

Initiating sex: who's job is it really?

Dear Lauren,

Within the couple, who is supposed to initiate sex?

-Charles


Hi Charles,

Who initiates sex and Why

Both. Either. Everyone.

I’m going to answer your question more specifically but I want to make it very clear that this is not a one-size-fits-all response.

It’s in trying to make sex a one-size-fit’s-all concept that causes so much of the confusion, misunderstanding, shame and frustration between couples in the bedroom.

Havin...

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DATING ADVICE

What to do when you're in love with an unavailable man

Dear Lauren,

I’ve been hanging out with this guy for 4 months. He’s a fashion designer and writer so he’s always busy. Everything’s great when we spend time with each other. We do get intimate when we see each other and at other times we just hang out. About a month ago I asked him if we could ever be more than friends and he said he’s not going to answer that. What does that mean?!! I really like him and I don’t wanna lose him. In fact, I might be fallin...

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RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Why men fight dirty in arguments (and how to take the high road to love!)

Dear Lauren,

I made a mistake-I yelled at my husband to the point that he retreated into his cave. I followed him in there and he said, “Leave me alone!” but I kept pushing. He said some really hurtful things like he doesn’t think our relationship is working and that he doesn’t want to have kids with me because he doesn’t think I’d be a good mother. I left him a note that I’d be back in two weeks and went to my parent’s house. I thought he nee...

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Got an issue? Here's how to change your partner's behavior.

Dear Lauren,

I’ve been with my man for 3 years and we fight constantly because he’s too flirty with other women. He even stays in touch with ex-girlfriends and continues very personal relationships with them, getting “good night” messages late at night with lots of “hugs and kisses.” He insists they are all just friends. I have never been a jealous partner in past relationships but I have no trust in him. I want him to understand why I don’t like hi...

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RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Why men never help out (and what to do about it!)

Dear Lauren,

My boyfriend used to live with me and pay rent by working on the house 4 days a month. He got behind by many months and this hurt me. He doesn’t live with me anymore but recently I helped him for 4 weeks to prepare for a craft festival. I got behind with my jobs in that time but he never offered to help. He only offered to catch up with the days of work he owes me. Why cant he just help me with intent from his heart regardless of the days he owes me!? I told him I’m...



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