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The 3-part inevitable decline of a relationship without me-time



I love spending time with you
…just not ALL the time.

Somewhere along the way, we were taught that, “love means never letting go.”

This is a beautiful sentiment when you’re talking about sticking together as a couple through ups and downs.

This becomes a very detrimental sentiment when we take it as literally never letting our partner’s go and being together all the time.

Being together all the time isn’t love. It’s a...

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He cheated on me. How can I move on and make this relationship work?

The blog was originally posted in August 2013 as “How to turn a cheater into a loyal and monogamous partner.” The video is vintage Ask Lauren and the blog itself has been edited and updated.

Hi Lauren,

I’ve been married for 25 years. In the past 15 years my husband has had two affairs. He says he is glad I saved our marriage and that he wants to make this work, but how do I know his words and feelings are genuine? How do I know that he truly loves me and that he&...

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Six Steps To Stop An Argument

As much as any couple may avoid fighting, the truth is, one minute you may feel great passion, and the next you’re contemplating divorce. Many times, we think arguments occur because our partner’s behavior needs to change. Unfortunately, it’s usually not about them.

Arguing with your wife or husband is not a bad thing as long as you are not berating and hating your each other. Heated discussions can help bring issues to the surface and can encourage both parties to take ac...

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Got an issue? Here's how to change your partner's behavior.

Dear Lauren,

I’ve been with my man for 3 years and we fight constantly because he’s too flirty with other women. He even stays in touch with ex-girlfriends and continues very personal relationships with them, getting “good night” messages late at night with lots of “hugs and kisses.” He insists they are all just friends. I have never been a jealous partner in past relationships but I have no trust in him. I want him to understand why I don’t like hi...

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Why men never help out (and what to do about it!)

Dear Lauren,

My boyfriend used to live with me and pay rent by working on the house 4 days a month. He got behind by many months and this hurt me. He doesn’t live with me anymore but recently I helped him for 4 weeks to prepare for a craft festival. I got behind with my jobs in that time but he never offered to help. He only offered to catch up with the days of work he owes me. Why cant he just help me with intent from his heart regardless of the days he owes me!? I told him I’m...

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MARRIAGE ADVICE

My Husband Cheated On Me. Will I Feel Better If I Cheat On Him?

Hi John -

My husband of eight years was unfaithful and I feel that cheating on him will make me feel better. How would this affect the relationship? Thank you in advance.

I thank God for your work,

Betzaida


Hi Betzaida,

Revenge is never a good choice when you have been hurt by someone. Two wrongs don't make one right. Likewise, an eye for an eye and you both lose your sight.

Revenge, or getting even, is a primitive form of communication. You really should ele...

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The WRONG way to spice up a relationship

Hi Lauren

I want to have an affair with my boss who lives in another country. We immediately connected and have been emailing steamy messages back and forth but have never met up. He is coming into town in a few weeks and even after months of his hot emails, telling me all he wanted was to be with me, he wasn't the one to tell me of his trip. I don't know what to think, what to say, or what to do? Other than the fear of the consequences of a romance gone wrong in the workplace, what...

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MEMBERS ADVICE

John Gray on the Larry King Show for Valentine's Day

John Gray appeared on The Larry King Show Valentine's Day, February 14, 1996.

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John Gray on The Oprah Winfrey Show

John Gray appears on The Oprah Winfrey Show in December 6, 1994. The title of the show was How To Communicate Better in Marriage.

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WORKPLACE ADVICE

Their Office Affair Is Hurting Business

Hi John-

I loved Work with Me. Thank you for writing it. I got a good one for you. For the past two years, a secretary in our office has been having an affair with one of the executives. Both of them are married with young children. My problem is not with the affair itself, as these people are adults and can do as they please. However, the secretary has become so distracted by this relationship that her work has suffered considerably.

She used to be quite friendly with everyone, but no...

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MARRIAGE ADVICE

My Husband Doesn't Tell Me Certain Things

Dear John-

I just had a 3-day war with my husband who has started a fly-in, fly-out job in the mining industry (1 month on and one week at home).He started to drink at night and not tell me about it. We had a deal at the beginning of our relationship that he wouldn’t drink because it led to fights. So when I found out he was drinking again, I got hurt and upset.

I know it’s not big drinking – 5-6 beers when once a week when he is out with his coworkers. The problem is...

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Now that we live together, we don't get along

Hello Lauren,

I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 months and we have been together for 2 years. Lately we’ve been bickering more often and our communication seems to shut down. He pulls away and I get sad. It’s hard when this happens because we used to never be like this. Yesterday he said he needed space from me. He said he's mad he needs to tell me where he is, and I expressed it makes me feel safe to know. I am scared he is pulling away. How can I handle this witho...

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I Want Children But He Doesn't

Hi John-

I recently ran into a friend (guy) at a bar. We have been friends for years and hang out with the same group of friends.
I am 33 (divorced with no kids)
He is 45 (divorced with a teenage daughter.)

After our run in, we chatted back and forth on Facebook. We eventually met and had our first kiss. From then on he pursued me and I was very receptive.

The relationship started great!We went on several mini vacations together. We sent daily texts of “I Love You”...

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I Am Heartbroken Because He Is Dating Another Woman

Hi John-

I began seeing a man I met online. For months we have done lots together - working on house projects, socializing with friends and just having great talks over meals. Rarely a day would pass without being in touch or spending time together.

The night before my birthday, I asked if he was seeing others. My heart broke to hear there was another woman. He claimed that he didn't want to pressure our connection with sex and that he had not had sex with her either. He told me I ...

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DATING ADVICE

When Should I Bring Up The Exclusive Talk?

Hey Dr. Gray!

I am in my late 20s and I have read almost all of your books. I must thank you. I now love myself enough to know what I can give and what I deserve in a loving relationship. I know when to give space and how to be loving to a guy. But I am still confused.

I have been dating a man for 2 months now, and my question to you is when or how should I bring up the exclusivity talk if he doesn't?

When is it too early?

Jennifer


Great question Jennifer.

Th...

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How to keep intimacy alive in the day-to-day grind

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We’re busy all the time.

All of us.

All the time.

We have responsibilities coming out of our asses!

So, so...

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MARRIAGE ADVICE

Help! My Husband Can't Take My Depression

Hi John-

My husband moved out 3 weeks ago. He said he couldn't take my depression and insecurities and the arguing anymore.

We have a 7 year old daughter who has a life-limiting condition. He says he will always be there for her but not for me.

I am devastated beyond words. I can't eat or sleep. I am off work. I have tried to engage with my husband but he keeps saying that I am not his responsibility.

How can I get him to talk to me?

I have bought 3 of your books...

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How Do I Get My Son's Father To Love Me?

Hello John,

I am a 38 year old woman who just had a son in January. The father of my child is a man I met last year. We only dated for about 3 weeks, but ended up sleeping together on Date #4 - which resulted in my pregnancy.

When I told him I was pregnant, he was supportive but couldn't do much at the time because he was going back to his home country of Egypt. (He is also a citizen here in the US).

We communicated thru Facebook and email during my pregnancy and he was suppor...

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MARRIAGE ADVICE

We Married After Dating Online

Dear John,

I met my husband through an online dating site in October. I live in the Phillipines and he is a Filipino who grew up in Canada. He is divorced with no kids and I was never married before we met.

After 3 months of chatting online, he came to visit me in the Philippines. When he came, he met my family and asked permission from my father for us to get married. My father agreed. So we got married during his visit here in the Philippines.

A day after we got married, he flew...

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How Do I Get Her Back?

The number one question I receive from men is "How do I get her back?"

My response is always the same: "How did you lose her?"

You can only get her back if you can truly reflect on what you said and did that was wrong. Because if you lost her and you love her and you want her back, you will need to learn where you failed along the way with her the first time.

Maybe you cheated on her. Maybe you yelled at her. Maybe you ignored her. Many guys break up with women...



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