My #1 Relationship Mistake (and the 'rule' that changed everything for me)
My #1 Relationship Mistake
I had an unusual childhood. My dad was the number one self-help author of all time and the world's leading relationship expert. I was a kid who ate dinner to the tune of gender and relationship discussions and boy, did I learn a lot. So when I first started dating, I assumed I had it all figured out.
It’s safe to say I was W R O N G.
I had several relationships that started wonderfully. My boyfriends would make me endlessly happy, and I wa...
The top 5 relationship efforts that give you even more in return.
Happy Valentines Day/Week!
Newsfeeds will be full of picture perfect couples – getting engaged, flashing new jewelry, bouquets of flowers, etc. And I think it’s great that these men and women get to bask in the romantic glow of their partner’s loving attention on this special day.
But great relationships can’t survive on Valentine’s Day efforts alone. A great relationship needs to be fed with loving attention every day.
Does that sound exhaustin...
Are you sacrificing too much in the name of love?
I really love your blogs, they make a lot of sense, and I need your help with something. I’m 39 years old and I’m engaged to a woman I adore. Here’s my problem, she nags me all the time. I want to be there for her but it feels like she’s always demanding so much time and energy. I know you’re supposed to “compromise” in a relationship but it seems like I’m making all the sacrifices and I’m starting to feel like this relations...
A simple exercise to open your heart to each other no matter what.
Gratitude practice has become a popular path to experiencing more happiness and fulfillment in life. But you may be surprised to know how “gratitude” can help your relationship as well.
Most of our dissatisfaction in life comes from looking at what we don’t have, at the absence of something we want.
I want my partner to listen to me and he doesn’t.
I want my partner to let me watch my show in peace and she doesn’t.
I want my partner to be affecti...
Why men cock block your feelings instead of listening.
I need your help. It seems like every time I try to bring something up about our relationship and express my honest feelings, it turns into a fight. Specifically, I open up, he gets irritated and says “drop it.” I’m not one to be bulldozed over so I keep talking. I should be allowed to express to myself to my own boyfriend. He just keeps saying, “drop it” and eventually leaves the room and slams the door.
I’m trying to make this relationsh...
Want a successful relationship? When your partner let's you down, do this...
It’s easy to find fault. It’s always going to be easy to find fault in our partners. We’re human. We make mistakes. And because we open our hearts to and find ourselves leaning on our partner’s for support, it can be VERY obvious when they screw something up, make a mistake, or let us down.
But what separates a dissatisfying relationship from a fulfilling one is looking past the fault and finding the loving intention. Squinting through your partner’s mistake...
'When I'm upset, he just makes it worse!' How couples can communicate better and without all the drama.
I don't feel comfortable talking to my boyfriend when I feel sad, because what's the point? He doesn't give me his full attention. And he gets really disturbed that I get angrier the longer he “listens.” It just seems like he doesn't know what to do or what to say. He's stuck in fix it mode.
I don't want our relationship to end, but it bothers him when I'm upset and can't talk about it. I’ve given up and don’t talk an...
The surprising truth about dating a selfish man (or a series of selfish men)
Hi Lauren! Thank you so much for all that you do. I’ve learned so much. My question is, what do you do if you’re dating a narcissist? Or in my case, a series of narcissists? It seems like every relationship I start, it’s all about what HE wants to do, or what HE wants to talk about, which is usually himself. I know I deserve more than that. What’s your advice when you’re dating a selfish man?
Great question. In this blog I’m go...
3 easy ways to immediately improve communication with your partner.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. The first year was bliss, the second year was also bliss but with some insecurities thrown in. The one thing I have been insecure about recently is that I feel that my boyfriend and I don't talk enough. Does this mean he isn't right for me? Can we improve our communication? Is he getting bored with me? PLEASE HELP.
Is it the END?
Right now, you are taking this silent treatment as ...
Why men pull away after sex (and what you can do about it!)
I’m friends with this guy and we really get along. Last week we somehow ended up in bed together. It felt comfortable and natural. What’s bothering me now is that he’s been acting differently towards me ever since. He used to text me all the time and now he never texts me unless I text him first. He seems like he isn’t interested in maintaining our relationship anymore and I’m not sure why. We had fun. Why is he acting so different?
Stumped at being dumped? The real reason you're single.
My ex-girlfriend said that she did not love me nor was she attracted to me. But we were together for six months! She made the first move on our first date, she would always initiate PDA's: kissing, touching, even arousing me in cabs, restaurants, the park... She expressed interest in sex but we never went through with it. But tell me, how is it that you can get so close to someone physically and claim to have neither attraction nor feelings? I am still nursing my broken hea...
The most common mistakes women make when trying to get a guy to commit
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He tells me he loves me like he’s never loved any girl, but he just can’t commit and he doesn’t know why. It’s so confusing…for both of us!
I’m very clingy, a bit insecure too, and sometimes I check his phone or try to mother him, but he says that’s not the problem. That the problem is him, and he doesn’t know when he’ll get over it. I tried ultimatums but they don&r...
The truth behind the most dangerous relationship myth out there.
The most dangerous relationship myth out there
“The secret to a successful relationship is to spend as much time together as possible. Don’t take time or space apart. When it gets challenging, don’t run away. If there’s anger, let it rip. If there’s hurt, don’t hold back. Honesty is the key. Togetherness is the solution to every problem.”
What’s your reaction when I say those words?
It doesn’t sound bad, right? It sound...
How to support your partner when they have a bad day (It's not what you think!)
When something upsets my boyfriend or when anything upsets me, we feel responsible for each other. For example, if he gets upset about some incident, I feel guilty like it is somehow my fault when in fact I had nothing to do with it! It’s the same with him, if he sees me upset, he feels down. What do we do in this case? Is this normal?
I think it is totally normal! It’s natural for human beings, no matter what their gender, to suf...
How to say 'I love you' first (without freaking out your partner)
So I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time and he got really weird after that. Why does he think that saying I love you means "Lets get married" and a major commitment? Not simply, I love you, which is how I meant it.
Asking the RIGHT question
Hi Chiara! Great question.In fact, I love it! You know why?
Most people ask the question, “When should you say I love you in a relationship?” Or even, “Who should say I lo...
Why men pull away (and how to get him back!)
Why did he pull away and how do I get him back?
This is THE most common question I get asked. And no wonder! For women who are single and dating to women who have been married for decades, this remains one of the biggest mysteries and sources of stress in a relationship.
But it doesn’t have to! I’d like to help.
Fill out this quick survey so I can serve you in the most effective way.
With love, Lauren
Fill out my online form. var x1m2nbmv1a5xv4r;(func...
How to get rid of his 'bad habits' and live together in bliss.
I love your blogs. They’ve helped me so much. My question is: my boyfriend moved in with me about two months ago. Both of us have been living on our own for more than 10 years, and for me, I get upset when I see his bad-living-together habits creeping into my space. How do I keep it at a minimum without making living with me miserable for him? Thank you Lauren for your advice!! Xxoo.
Great question. I remember when I moved in with my p...
Your guide to relationships without 'labels'
I've been involved with someone for about 6 months and when I say involved we are not boyfriend/girlfriend but we spend a good amount of time together and we are having sex. She's a full time student and doesn’t have a lot of free time. I'm just working right now so I have more free time than her. Lately, with finals coming up and school being crucial right now, I haven't seen her in almost 3 weeks. I'm fine with time apart, totally fine, as long as I k...
Why men don't give reassurance (and how to get some in 3 easy steps!)
When my boyfriend and I get into a fight he remains withdrawn for the rest of the day and isn’t as affectionate as he usually is. I can’t help but worry I’ve ruined things and he’s having doubts about us.
I feel desperate for reassurance that we’ll be okay.I ask him to say something nice to make me feel better. He tells me he loves me and we’ll be fine, but can I trust that what he’s saying is truly how he feels? He still seems so ...
What 'Leave me alone' ACTUALLY means in a relationship.
“Leave me alone!” doesn’t mean
what you think it means.
When it comes to a man, the words “Leave me alone,” mean one thing only. Leave him the heck alone or face the fire-breathing dragon.
No dance steps.
It means exactly what it says.
But when it comes to a woman, this phrase is slightly more nuanced and can mean more than one thing.
(It’s not fair but it’s true.)
This leaves most...